10:41 AM

The other day, a customer at my 7-to-5 told me that he liked me, saying I was cool. At the time, when he said cool, I was thinking reserved, quiet, I did not think of it as well cool. Okay something new to absorb. Then last week, I was running low on clothes, so I threw on this cool skirt I bought in Miami, a striped shirt and my one and only black tie. To say I turned a couple heads would be an understatement, not to mention a couple favourable comments. Here is the skinny of the problem, that kinda freaks me out. I like experimenting with different styles, having fun and enjoying the whole creative process, but when people like it, I'm thrown for a loop. Perhaps this dates back to my having low self esteem, and it is so inconceivable to believe that people would like whatever I generate in terms of art, poetry and general style. Then again, to stifle my creativity feels like I've lost my soul and when I return to it, the whole experience becomes nirvana. Oh and there is the part of me that thinks one can't live in complete bliss and happiness, don't worry I'm slowly killing that part.

I believe I'm ranting, anyway, I guess what would be ideal is if people didn't tell me I'm cool so I don't go around trying to live up to their expectations. I rather think I'm cool and live my life the way I want.

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