Love & Marriage

3:20 PM


I just started reading Muriel Barbery's The Elegance of the Hedgehog and I was about to put it aside to read something a bit more fluffy in content. I was about to reach the next book when I decided to plow ahead. So I'm reading and there was a lot of food for thought, the one that had me thinking is when one of the narrators is referring to her husband and getting married.

Let me set the scene, Rene is a concierge of an apartment building where the tenants are rich and well to do. She is well read but she doesn't let her employers (the tenants) know this little fact. Rene doesn't consider herself a raving beauty, in fact she states it plainly that she is ugly. So it was a big surprise that a co-worker of her brother wanted her hand in marriage. She patiently explained why he would not want to marry her. To this he replied:

"Renee, I don't want my wife to be one of those giddy young things who run wild and have no more brain than a sparrow beneath their pretty face. I want a woman who's loyal, a good wife, a good mother and a good housekeeper. I want a calm and steady companion who'll stay by my side and support me. In exchange, you can expect me to be a serious worker, a calm man at home and a tender husband at the right moment. I'm not a bad sort, and I'll do my best."
He kept his promise and they had a good marriage.

What more can we ask for from a lifelong companion? This changed my whole perspective on love and marriage. Yes it would be great to have that fairytale romance, but wouldn't you prefer a partner who will be with you for the long run? I'm not talking about that explosive bang, hearts a flutter thing, more like that constant hum, like a heart beat. Constant, yet every now and then it will speed up, maybe jump a beat, but still constant. Maybe that is why the heart is a symbol of love, perhaps that is the best analogy, the constant of a heart beat.

I've already starting changing what I would want from a future life partner. I think I'm going to post that quote somewhere I can see everyday. In the end, I just want a good man who will be faithful, loving, will be a good husband and father, will be a good provider and support me in my endeavours as I will support him in his. Something my friend in NYC and I have discussed was that caring about someone to go the extra mile. That is important for me.

Well, Valentines is next week and that is my little contribution. If y'all notice to I'll be 30 in a couple days and my gift to me (well one of them) is to love myself unconditionally. I'm drifting, but about two or three days ago, I was waiting in the waiting area of a bank and I looking down on my hands. For the first time in my life I actually saw them. I saw the hands so many people admired, people always complimented my long fingers, growing nails, the large amount of lines that criss cross them and their softness. Then I thought of their potential, how I used them to create artwork and make garments. I started to cry (not sob, just quietly cry), there was so much to me that I never appreciated and here were all these people who appreciated them and I shrugged them off. I basically messed up two decades of my life so I'm embracing this decade and all the decades after.

Oh, and check out this post by The Sartorialist called A Graceful Man, A Gentleman (you'll have scroll down). It is so endearing.

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