Have You Slept With This Man?

4:25 PM

A little over a week ago, a male blogger posted an "article" on his blog that created a buzz on island. There was a lot of negative buzz from the female quarters and then negative buzz from the male quarters in response to the female buzz. I won't go into it too much, but the "article" had the results for an underground poll of men (although I don't think poll is the correct term for it). The men polled were to nominate women between the ages of 18 and 27 for particular categories and at a later date they voted on the "winner".

This is all well and good, but the categories are where the problem lies. Let's just say no self-respecting woman would like to be nominated for the categories as they are truly demeaning to women. Plus for the record, if they wanted to do a child-like endeavour and thought it was best to keep it on the down low when it came to the nomination and election process, then keep the results on the down low too. By putting these women names on the web, in an easily accessible location, they were bringing unwanted attention to the nominees and the "winners".

Now they would like to play it off that that is what men do anyway, they would talk about women refering to them as Butterface (her body is great, but her face isn't too pretty). They would say that women are too sensitive about their looks. Okay, fine, but if we flip the switch. What if we talked about the men? But instead of looks, we talk about performance.

We all know how men think they are so great in the sack, but we know that some of them can be selfish bastards. Let's see, where can we start?

Sorry I Don't Kiss Guy
"Yeah, I don't kiss," he would say as though this was something one has to accept and would have to live with. Hmmm, this isn't going to work. I don't know about others, but I've watched my share of Disney cartoons, rom coms, sitcoms and read my share of romance novels and in all of them there have been kisses, so you better believe, I'm looking for kisses. Be it the quick peck of affection, the lingering kiss that promises more to come later or the "I'm trying to lick your navel from the inside" kiss. Brother, you have to go.

This Is All About Me
They would sooner reach for the KY, because they don't care if you are anywhere close to being ready. They would pull out all the tricks they saw online, trying to eek out as much pleasure from your poor body. While hammering into you, he pushes your head to lick his nipples because that turns him on. These guys are the ones who will get the women with the low-esteem, because they know these women are so happy to have a man and will take whatever the men give. Shame on them.

2-Minute Men
Literally, two gosh-darn minutes!!! There you are wondering, "Wait, that's it? What! he fell asleep? Hell, I'm reaching for my rabbit.

Marathon Man
The opposite of the 2-Minute Man. It's as if he's trying to do every single position ever created, pulling out shite you never even heard about. He's the one who will give you an orgasm or two and not realize that for some women when they get the big O, they want to be let go and allowed to cool down from it. They don't want some hard thing still jackhammering at their sensitive lady bits. Get off, already.

Great Package, Poor Performance
They have the perfect package, not too long, not too short, not too thick and not too skinny. Perfect! Unfortunately, he has no clue how to use this perfect appendage, his rhythm is off, slows down at the wrong time, speeding up when he should slow down. Then just when he's about to take you to see God, he stops to try a new position. It's a damn shame.

Small Package, Great Performance
I'm not going to hate on these men, because they already have something against them, but when they know how to take you to see God, you meet Allah, Budha and Jehovah. I think they were so self conscious about their package that they bone up on how to turn a woman out. Hee hee, pun intended.

So-called Cunningulous Experts
On their lovemaking resume they have cunningulous as one of their many skill. Bonus! That is until they are in the position to perform. "Lord, correction Lawd! What the frick is he doing? Let me pull him up so that he stops and can focus on other pleasurable things." He better not ask me for a reference. For men who need some schooling, check this link.

Now, I've run out for now, but if you can think of more just leave it in the comment section.

I love men and this post is not to hurt feelings or come off being a man-hating feminist, I'm just being "real". If men want to objectify women, they should have to be men enough to know their shortcoming (pun intended). And to be honest, I've had my share of sensual encounters and there has been only one man who has ever knocked my O-ball out the park and did all the right things. Unfortunately, he is no longer in my life. I'm still hoping to come across a man who can give me two orgasms, one for my mind and one for my body and I think both work hand in hand.

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