Answer #7: I'm Too Cynical

I have no shame in my game, I am telling it as it is and I am cynical. According to Google,

cyn·i·cal/ˈsinikəl/

Adjective:	Believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity. Doubtful as to whether something will happen or is worthwhile.
Synonyms:	sardonic

There is a story so sit back and enjoy.

source

It was one of the last times I attended NYC Fashion Week and I had gone with some friends. Now, fashion week is all about going to the fashion shows which were usually in the tents at Bryant Part. The shows were scheduled for every half hour and just imagine fashionably dressed men and women herding in an out of beautifully decorated rooms. In between you can visit the sponsors various boots in the lounge area and sometimes there would be an liqueur company as a sponsor. That was the case that time or was it just a bar, whatever the case, I was drinking a cosmopolitan for the first time and getting tipsy.

Next thing I know, there is this carmel toned guy with the most divine eyes. I love eyes, I thought you should know. So he struck up a conversation, I found out he was a boxer and he had just boxed in Los Vegas. He even asked for my number which I gave him. I soon after left the tents and told my friend about him, she said it was probably a line.

Even before she said that I already had a negative dialogue going on in my head.

• He's probably looking for designers to start his own line of clothing;
• He's probably a player;
• He won't call;
• What does he really want?

Anyway, I made my way home and to bed (natural thing for me to do especially when I'm tipsy). In the middle of the night my phone rings, El Boxer is on the phone, asking me to go out the next night. Long story short, I said yes, then the next evening I chickened out using the excuse that they weather report was saying a hurricane was coming and I, being Caribbean, don't play around with hurricanes. Lame, I know.

Anyhoo, that evening I looked him up online. Turns out he is not just any old boxer but one of the top boxers in his weight class. Then, when I went to work the next day, I told my friend and some of my co-workers. One of them saw the fight he fought on HBO. Ain't that a bitch!!

The sad thing about it is that did not change my ways, I remained cynical. Not only was I cynical but I didn't believe in myself to think I could handle myself with a man of his caliber.

Now, I know some people who live in Antigua know Big Apple Deli. It was owned by an older couple and the husband was big in the boxing scene in Antigua. The walls of the Big Apple Deli are covered with pictures torn out of boxing magazines and guess whose picture is up there? Ain't that a bitch.

So how do I get over my cynicism? I think it is all about mental conditioning, perhaps wearing a rubberband around my wrist and snapping myself when I have negative thoughts or think negatively of others' intentions. Why is self improvement so hard? I will persevere, as God is my witness.