Why Am I Single #11

6:17 PM

Answer #11: I wasn't being myself in the relationship

I blame a lot on my childhood issues, but I'm only now claiming responsibility for my life. I now recognize that I had gotten it all confused. I believed that when it came to relationships, I had to become what the other person wanted. God only knows where I got this belief. It's as though it was programed into my brain without me knowing it and like everything else in life I went along with the programming. 

It is only when I really sat down and thought about it, I was so focused on what others thought of me and trying not to be judged that I didn't learn what made me happy. What makes me happy, in some way, defines who I am. I guess you can say my growth was stunted by my accepting that life does not include happiness.

Recently I looked back at my love life and I realized that I was not myself with any of the men in my life. I'm figuring I wasn't with myself with a lot of people. In fact, it is only recently that I tapped into the person I really enjoy being. I remember being on the phone and not knowing what to say or trying to figure out what I should say or how I should act.

Now I have..... what is the word? accepted? discovered? experienced an epiphany that what would initially draw a person to you is your looks, but it is your personality that would keep them. The sad thing is I knew this in theory but it didn't click. Most likely because I didn't have a fully developed personality to speak of. 

It's one's personality that keeps a person riveted to them.  It's one's personality that makes a person fall in love with them. And when I say personality, I mean the little quirky things that makes you you, like the fact that you like Punch soda (an Antiguan thing) or you cry at sappy movies or you call in the mornings just to say hi and wish them a good day. And these things are things you would do naturally as opposed to over-thinking and over-analyzing (I over-analyze a little too much).

It had also dawned on me that not being yourself just does nothing for a relationship. I mean there you are being someone else and that just takes energy away from being true to yourself and loving yourself. It also cheats the person out of knowing the awesome person that you are. Plus, it is also so easy to end up resenting the person because they are so into the person you are trying to be instead of being into the true you.

Why does everything seem so clear when I'm writing these blog post, ugh.... *smh*

I am happy to report that this particular reason for my being single is being addressed, but what about you, have you ever not acted like yourself in a relationship? How did it make you feel?

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