I haven't written in a while, not even in my Journal. All because I was going down a road I'm not proud of. I'm not even going into derails, let's just say that it is easier to fall into old habits than embark on new ones.

Do I regret what I've done? Yes and no. I'm saddened that I took the route, but I know it serves a purpose. It shows that I am not here to be a character in someone else's life. In relationships, it is as much about me as the other person.

I also had to let go. A couple posts back, I posted an illustration of a balloon that read "Let Go". It wasn't easy, but I have, even though the other person hasn't or thinks I'll still be around. I had to see the person's bad side, which I did see. It reminds me f a quote by Maya Angelou (by way of Tyler Perry's Madea),

If someone tells you who they are, believe them.

I believe them. I am no longer looking between the lines and behind the words for "what they are really trying to say." In fact, what I would be looking for would be what I want, not the truth.

It's been something I've been trying to do for over a month and I am honestly glad that that part is over. The hard part now is to change my way of thought and way of being. I concede that I am shyte in looking for the guy for me, so I'm leaving it up to the universe, I will give in my order and focus on the things that make me happy. It's time I start looking at doing things that I really like to do, making things, travelling, reading. When the right one comes along, I will know.

It felt nice writing that last line. Very freeing. I'm letting go.



(pic1: I Am Agonistes
pic2: ffffound)