3:24 PM

Sometimes, I want to throw my heart away, just not want or desire someone to love. Just focus on the work I love. Unfortunately, this could only happen if I lived in a bubble or deserted island. Not exposed to women my age getting married, and/or having kids or parents hoping for grandkids. It feels like this whole coupling thing is an invention that society demands you take part in. From fairy tales to romance novels to sitcoms the whole story is pivoted around guy loves girl, girl loves guy, blah, blah, blah. Whatever happened to girl has an adventure. (yeah, full stop).

When I turned 30, instead of everyone saying "I hope you live a full rich life and that you will be perpetually happy," I got "I hope this time next year you have a little bundle of joy." Here I was going into a new phase in my life where I was claiming my life, I was going to do what made me happy, instead I got a lot of pressure to have a child. You're getting old lady, get knocked up. The thing is I don't have many rules, but the ones I have are serious and one of them is I am not having a child unless I'm married and it is a good marriage. My baby daddy will be my husband and we will be living together.


In this moment in time, I will be throwing away my heart, to all the people asking about little X, excuse my french, but SHUT THE FUCK UP!! For all the people in my face about the weight I gained, SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Here is a very important thing to remember this is MY body and MY life, if you got a problem with what I do with it and how I live my life, well, I really don't care. I don't need to be stressed by your hang ups, focus on your own life and keep out of mine. Why should I be miserable because you don't like what I want to do with my life?

For those who genuinely concerned about my future, thank you, but every time I pull away my focus from living a happy life in pursuit of "a good man", I slip and end up not going anywhere. Fine, in the whole scheme of things the whole purpose of woman is to procreate, but this woman wants to do it her way. Excuse the french above but I need (note the word need) to live my life for me, and I want all of you to be happy for me no matter what I do. For the record, so far the men I've come across are either men who want harems, religious men who have a problem with tattoos and Rasta men who are so skinny that I could probably snap them by staring at them hard and who are deeply into the Rastafarian culture. I'm sorry babes, but if you think I'll be spending time listening to conscious music and suffering from second hand high, you better think again.

Just venting.

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