All Men Cheat

3:31 PM

So I'm talking with a guy who I've relegated to the just talk on the phone basis and although we have strong chemistry, I'm not going there. Instead I decided to use his intelligence in figuring out men. I thought I would use him as a source, instead of talking to other women about men, I would talk to a man.

Anyway, our last conversation was about how men view love. I asked if men's concept of love is basically companionship and sex. He agreed and elaborated by saying that men also would go the extra mile for the one they love. Understandable. Women are very emotionally based but men appear to be action based. Interesting.

Then, Mr. Man drops the bomb that all men cheat. According to him 99% of men cheat. In that statement, my equilbrium shifted. I felt that I was free falling into an abyss where I could not trust any man. Eek! This ruined Friday the 13th for me.

Then I got to thinking, that thing Mr. Man says I do too much of. Perhaps all men cheat but it doesn't mean that all men are chronic cheaters. Yes, they are human, yes, they make mistakes. Okay, I can let that slide, but as I speak to other men who have no problem saying yes, men cheat, I realised that they are saying that because they cheat.

They want to feel comfortable in the notion that it's a norm so what they are doing is acceptable. Then it made me think, guys, if you tell me that all men cheat, you are putting a red flag over your head that screams do not get involved with this guy, he will cheat. Why would I want to be with a man who is going to cheat on me?!?

So a little bit later in the conversation, he says how he's going to be faithful to the woman he's seeing and he's going to take her out and make sure she won't stray, blah, blah, blah. So he has no problem cheating on home girl, but only when he realise how important to him she is he will behave himself?!? Lord, Lord, Lawd.

Get this, there are even rules to cheating respectfully.

  • Do not flirt with women at establishments your girlfriend frequents

  • Do not flaunt your other relationship in front of your girlfriend

  • Make sure you wear a condom at all time (which makes absolute sense)

My question is why cheat, if it is going to hurt the other person's feelings, why do it. They posture and say that well, it's only sex. Fine you might view sex as not important, a release, but women view it completely differently.

I'm not saying I didn't leave our last conversation with nothing. I did pick up these little tips:

  • As a woman is getting to know a guy who has shown some interest, find out early what the guy's intentions are. Are they looking for the real thing or sex. Those looking for sex will feel uncomfortable and will hit the road.

  • Make sure the guy you do hook up with respects you.

  • A keeper is a guy who you can have a conversation with after sex and before. After all, when you take away the sex, you should have something worth holding on to.

  • Don't leave it up to the guy to take you out, take him out sometimes, he will like it.

I appreciate what I've learned from him, but it doesn't mean I have to take it as fact written in stone that will last the ages. I've also spoken to a male family friend and a male cousin and I realise that they all have varying view points when it came to relationships. The unfortunate thing is those view points are not good for women living here. One has been hurt and doen't see himself being in a real relationship with ha woman from and/or on this island and the other isn't looking for relationships seeing the track record of the relationships he has first hand knowledge of.

So where does that leave me? A little confused. A little conflicted. I'm not sure if the whole notion of Happily Ever After is something I geniuine want because I think it's right for me or because it is what society has imprinted in my head. I want

  • The idea that this guy is mine and I'm his;

  • To reach across the bed and find a warm body that fits mine perfectly and that I know like I know the back of my hand;

  • To have long conversations, fall asleep and wake up and continue;

  • Shared dreams;

  • Shared adventures;

  • To accept his quirks, like he would accept mine;

  • To feel love radiating from him and not hungry eyes stripping me;

  • To walk down the road hand in hand;

  • To treasure and be treasured

  • This--v

source: if you believe

I thought I could revert to my logical, rational self when it comes to love, but it's too much of a chore and I rather believe in fairytales and love stories than accept the logic of love. When it comes, it comes. Just my thoughts at this moment in time.

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