Loving Self

1:29 PM

I've been resisting putting this project on my blog because it is kinda personal. Then I started thinking "What the heck, this is my blog and it is a reflection of me of sorts. Heck, this is personal!!"

So where do I start?

For a while, a long while, I would say I've been just existing. And by existing I mean

  • Doing what is expected of me by family, friends, society;
  • Wanting things that society says I must have, even if I don't really want or need them;
  • Trying to please others, even though I think I don't really care what people think;
  • Not going after what I really want, because I want to make sure everyone is okay with me going after what I want;
  • Trying to do the right thing all the damn time;
What was the result? Sadness, low self-esteem, fear of trying new things, a slow and steady death of my spirit. Fortunately for me my spirit seems to be very fiesty and likes to put up a fight. This brings me to what I alluded to in an earlier post. And I will be honest with you, it rocked me to the core because here it was a new year, a new start and just bad stuff. Every time I accept it, I get pushed back down, and the funny thing is at that point there is only one way to go and that is up.

So I sat down and tried to figure out what I wanted, not what my family wants for me, what friends expect of me, What I want out of my life. It is only when I did it that I realized that

No, I don't need a big house or a fancy ride!
I don't need millions of dollars (although 1mil sounds nice)
I don't need to work millions of hours a year for things I don't need

But...

I want to spend hours doing things that give me a sense of peace and happiness
I want to be surrounded by people who love what they do,
People who enjoy life and know how to have a good time,
I want to enjoy good company, good food and wine,
I want to see as many of the world's wonders as I can, in this lifetime,
I want to share my life with a man that can make me laugh, is strong when I need a shoulder, who loves fully and loves what he does for a living.

Basically...

I want to live fully, with no regrets!!

And for me to do so, I have to take the first step of loving myself, fully and completely. But how do I learn to do that? Well, I used the trusty internet and came across these two sites:

Building Self-Esteem: A Self Help Guide - a lot of do-able advice.

Now here was the scary part I now have to do the work to make me love me. I don't know about y'all, but I read a lot and I know things that people are suppose to do, but I don't do it. I have been very un-Nike and that is changing.

Now instead of doing everything on the abovementioned links, I created my own version. So far I've done the following things:
  • Wrote down 31 things I love about myself. I chose 31 because that is how old I am and I plan to add one new thing on my birthday. I swear to you, I felt awesome afterwards. I've gone so far as to print it out so when I'm feeling down I can look at it and remind myself that I'm pretty awesome.
  • Pampered myself. I gave myself a pedicure and there is something about having soft, silky toes and feet with my favourite colour for my toes. Also there is this sense of accomplishment and honest self love. The funny thing is I used to give myself facials and pedicures when I was a teen, I guess I stopped when I went to college. It made me feel very girly fabulous.
  • Started going to the gym. I forgot how much I love going to the gym, pushing your body to the limit over and over and seeing the results. There is so much to say on this matter. First there are the two messages society gives off, 1) You have to be skinny to be beautiful, 2) Love the body you are in, no matter what size it is. But there is another message that is aimed to a niche in society, 3) Be fit and healthy, be confident and happy with the body you have and if you don't like it the way it is, change it. I'm listening to the 3rd message and an added bonus, endorphins, natural drugs.
  • Finding the famous people who inspire me. There are a few famous people who inspire me. It could be their lifestyle, their spirit, their style, their business acumen, these people are truly inspirational. Over the weeks on Fridays, you will see who these people are and some of their quotes that hit home for me.
  • Keep motivated. This could be hard, but I'm making a folder for when I'm not online and I need a little boost. It will include a lot of pics and quotes I've found on Tumblr, the famous people, my goals and wishes for life. Also, I'm putting together a playlist of music that guarantee to give me the added boost. Or I can just go outside and enjoy the warm sun and the cool breeze.
Basically, the only person responsible for me and my happiness is me, and the same goes for you. Instead of seeking out negative things online: sad news stories, which celebrity is having a crap life, people who look "better" than you, if your friends commented on your last FaceBook status, more reasons you feel bad about yourself, look for things that make you laugh, inspire to change your surroundings, inspire you to change yourself for the better. Hell, when you get bored, through on your favourite outfit, try out a make up tutorial and take pics of yourself, show yourself that you are beautiful, divine and someone worth talking about. That is what I'm doing, I'm loving myself.

P.S.
Only you can stop forest fires! No, but seriously, the above is what works for me, but each and everyone is unique and you would have to do what works for you and find what makes you happy and result in you loving yourself.

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