This is me being genuine again, so it's up to you if you want to continue you reading. So where do I start? Well, lately I've been having a good time with my life, I started going to the gym, I've been pursuing my business (this is the first time I'm referring to it as that) and I've been getting to know and love myself. On a whole it has been great, but as usual there is that niggling thing in the back of my head that says "You are not where you are suppose to be. You're supposed to be married and have a bunch of kids." That pain in the ass voice is not mine but society's little implant stuck in my head.

Now I have no problem with the institution of marriage, it's just I don't want to be hitched just to be hitched. I want to be married to the man who I love mind, body and soul, I want to marry the man who knows how to stimulate me outside of the bedroom as well as inside it. I want to marry the man who I can have deep, meaningful conversation and walk away feeling richer because of it. I want to be the friend and lover of the man I marry. This is well and good, but where do I find this man?

Recently, I came across two men, the first guy I know through work. Hopefully, he's not reading this, but if he is, this is not about you. Anyway, we had gone out to dinner and this is the first time I realized that I am lacking in the clothing department. Thankfully, be the fabulously fashion forward person that I am, I was able to pull something together. The thing was I had to dress appropriately, not too much cleavage, but not ending up looking as though I'm going to teach 7th Grade French, this could be viewed as a business dinner.

I'm still not sure what kind of dinner it was, but I did have a good time. The food was good, the conversation was great and the company was cool. It was the kind of evening I could get used to having more often. I will be honest the evening ended kind of awkward, but seeing how well the rest went I didn't even notice it. Unfortunately, the man does not live in Antigua and he was leaving the next day. I would have loved to see where it could have gone, even if it ended up us being good friends. This leads me to one of the bitch-ass things about being a girl, how do you approach the man and say, "Hey, I really enjoyed the dinner we had when you were in Antigua, and I would really like to get to know you," without sounding desperate and needy. Plus the only email I have for him is a work one, I don't know if management reviews their emails. It's a matter of wanting to do something and not knowing what is the right thing to do. Oh, well.

Now the next man, Mother's Day, my little sister showed me this

and I had a good laugh at it. The thing is it didn't hit me until recently that I've been going through. At work, men would come up and say "Can I have your number?" and even though you say no, they keep asking.  I've been resolute with it, but this last time, I gave in, I decided to give this man a chance. You would think I would have learned about giving men I don't care about a chance.

So he calls me, once, twice, three times with the same question, "Can I come over?" Let me paint the picture clearly, I meet this man at work, after asking many times for my number, I give him my number. We have not spoken at length, we have not gone out to get to know each other in a public location, but he wants to be invited to my domain, my intimate space that I call home. Nuh-uh. He believes the small amount of information he gave me was sufficient for me to invite him to my home and cook him dinner.

Okay, I'm going to be a bitch here, if people think differently, that is yo' problem. Just because I gave you my number doesn't mean I want to sleep with you. Just telling me your basic information doesn't mean that that's enough things I need to know about you. Promising to massage me and lotion me is not reason for me to invite you over. If I said I'm not interested in getting with a man for just sex and I'm looking for stability, believe that ish. Don't think there is some underlying code that says that I'm desperate for a man to sleep with. Just because I haven't had sex recently doesn't mean I want to sleep with the next man who shows interest in me. There are other things in the world to talk about other than sex, yes, I can have a good conversation on the topic because I like to be informed on most things, but every time I talk to you that sex is the only topic on the table.

You know what throws me into bitch mode, when it's obvious what this guy is after and he feels he should get it. After 3 days of getting stonewalled he stopped calling, which is good cause I really didn't want to hurt the feelings of a man eight years my senior. The sad thing is this is not the first time I've come across this type of sad man. They don't have no game, they don't know how to woo a woman, treat her with respect and think their entitled to your good stuff.

Well, here is the good part of being a woman, I get to say who gets my good stuff, and trust me a man has to earn it and be deserving to get it. My sister had posted this on her tumblr and I'm co-signing that ish

I won't go so far as to say I run the entire universe, but I do run me and this body, so men better recognize.

I'm not hating on men, just some, it's just that I would like to get to meet more men like the first guy than the second. Is that too much to ask for? Anyhoo, I had to get that off my chest.