I've been blogging for about 2 1/2 years, posting between my two main blogs 1,415 posts and sometimes I wonder if people actually read them. It's weird because part of me wishes I had more followers and more people visiting, but then there is a part that doesn't want people to read because I can be very honest on my blogs. Yes, I post very frivolous things, but sometimes I use my blog to work out things I've been thinking about. It's like the part of me that knows all the answers to my questions gets to speak. So if you want to pass on this post, go right ahead.

I don't know about other singles, but sometimes, I would see old classmates married and with kids and I would get the feeling that I haven't been meeting my targets in life. It's like I'm the slow one in the class, which puts me in the position of looking for anyone who could be my hubby. This in itself is pretty sad because I would be willing to give up on happiness and being with my soulmate to be in a marriage just to be in a marriage or because the biological clock is ticking. So here are the thoughts of my sane side.

Marriage is such a complicated thing. In fact, it's origins are not rooted in love but in the unification of families, the acquisition of wealth, the foundation for the act of procreation and/or a business transaction. Still couples are getting married without meeting each other before hand. Little girls as young as 5 are getting married, joining her husband's household when she's in her teens. Back in the day, fishermen were wise to marry fishermen's daughters, women who would know how to sell the fish they brought in. In some cultures, men married women for the abovementioned reasons, but had concubines or courtesans which were the women they loved. It was only recently that the institution of marriage had anything to do with love. Even in the west, people are getting married as a business in terms of trying to stay in the country they immigrated to or to get the financial and security benefits that marriage affords.

So as you see marriage is not something as simple as boy meets girl, boy loves girl, boy marries girl. So why get married? Who should we get married to? Should we get married for love, as a business transaction, to have kids or to have someone to grow old with? Call me kooky, but I want to be married to my soulmate. Yeah, I sense a lot of people rolling their eyes and thinking that that means I'm never going to get married, well let me set you straight.

Here is my theory, I believe that we are all part of this great big puzzle (can you tell that I like doing puzzles) and we're separtated, all these pieces all over the place. Now, we are all of the same picture, some pieces fit together, some fit better than others, and there will be some that are the perfect fit. Also this is not your average puzzle which limits you to 4 possible options, this is an uber puzzle so you have a few options. The problem is you don't know how many options and you don't know who your options are. This leads to another problem, how do you find these people who are the perfect fit?

Well, that is a problem indeed. In fact it is a multi-million dollar industry, imagine how many books, magazines have been sold, how many dating sites are out there, not to mention advice websites. Here are all these people looking for love, asking others, well asking everyone else the one question they should be asking themselves. Actually it's more than one question,

• Do I want to be in love?
• Who am I? Not what am I in terms of looks, career and other superficial things which are exterior results of who we are?
• Who do I want to spend the rest of my life with?
• Do I want to get married?
• Do I want kids?

By knowing oneself, one would be able to know who they want to be with. Today, society has given us these exterior things to want from an individual based on looks, social standing, financial standing, and somewhere along the way we forgot to look at the person based on who they are emotionally and personality-wise. Okay, he may not be driving the greatest car, but he makes you laugh, he has a vision of what he wants to be and where he wants to be. She may not have a long ass weave and not look like she stepped off a magazine cover, but she makes you feel good, she supports you and she is doing her thing. I guess what I'm saying is look with your heart not with your mind, well perhaps a little with your mind, ask for who you want and in a weird way you will get it. The universe is funny in that way, how does the saying go? Ask and you shall recieve.

I guess what I'm saying is before I go running after the institution of marriage, let me take the time to know myself, love myself, figure out who I want to be with and then, only then, look for that person.

Yes, envy will creep into my heart when I see old classmates married, but I would rather be with a man who can make me smile and laugh, who I know I can have adventures with, who will get that I'm not perfect, but is willing to live with me as a work in progress. I want to be married to a man who gets my sense of humour and understands that I might say things out of left field, and I can be a bitch when I'm hungry. I want to be with a man I feel comfortable curling up with and I know I can call him when I'm feeling crappy or am having a crappy day. I want a man I can be vunerable with, this one is a major one, now that I look at it. I don't share my feelings easily. I am prone to being the strong one, the one people turn to, and it would be great to be with someone who can be the one I can turn to. I want a man who I can be myself with, no masks, no illusions, no bullsh*t, just me and he will love that person.


Maybe I'm asking for too much, maybe I will never meet that man, but I'm going to do something that I've preached about but never followed, I'm going to have faith. It's not an easy thing to do, some days will be harder than some, but it's worth trying. Plus I have to keep these in mind:




And most importantly

For more wisdom check out Etiquette for a Lady.

I had to get that out, I just can't believe how long it turned out to be. I guess this is what happens when I have a Rockstar in the morning. Well, back to our regular progamming.