Kimolisa Was Here

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As I was trolling through the blogs I follow, I came across an article by The Solitary Panda titled So Tell Me About Yourself? and it got me to thinking about the question and the answer.

It made me wonder about what the person that is asking the question really wants to know. Does he/she want to know what you do or what you love, what you would rather be doing? Are they asking if you are a mother/father, a good person, a hard worker or an accomplished slacker. I mean do people even know what they are looking for when they ask this question. Do they even know what the right answer for them is? What do they want to hear from the individual they are asking the question?It is such an open ended question that you can give any answer, which leads me to the answer.

The answer... I think the answer should be a true reflection of the individual. Now I look at it, that is one of the answers everyone should have prepared or at least have some version of it logged away for when asked. It is all dependent on what is important to the individual. A career oriented person would automatically mention their profession first and you will feel the whole monologue slip into spiel about their success. The thing is you wouldn't hear the person say that they spend their evenings and weekends at work, or looking for a significant other unsuccessfully. A parent might point out that they are a parent and yadda yadda yadda.

Then again why don't we tell people about ourselves in the abstract. For instance, I am for the most part a nice person, but there are times when I can be a bitch, but for good reason (well, most of the time for good reason). How about a non-practicing Pentecostal with Atheist leanings due to the nurture part of my development that insists that I have to believe in an all powerful being. Then there is the liberal mind set in a conservative package (I'll show you my tattoo, if you show me yours).

I guess it's man's need to be accepted that makes us tell people the good side of who we are. God forbid that I tell people that I can be incredibly stubborn and that I suffer from bouts of low self-esteem. Would people be shocked that I am Pro-Choice, with, of course, the emphasis on choice? What I have learned is that mentioning your extensive knowledge on the subject of sex can garner unwanted attention. Just because I know how to do it right doesn't mean I want to do it with you.

So what is the answer to the question? Anything you chose, babe, but remember the answer is suppose to be an accurate picture of who you are. It should match up with the person you are proud of being or want to be. I am an aspiring fashion designer hoping to produce her own line of clothing. I am a poet. I am a blogger. I am a good daughter and sister. I am happy (most of the time). I am a reader (I have at least 3 books lined up to read). I am a driver (a fast driver when I'm pissed). I am an artist (a reluctant artist). I am thinker. I am a great lover (this is not an invitation and I am not being vain). And at times I can be a bitch, correction, a BITCH and if I didn't have a conscience I could be very evil. I am creative, intelligent and at times witty. Most important of all I am whoever I choose to be.

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Sometimes, I want to throw my heart away, just not want or desire someone to love. Just focus on the work I love. Unfortunately, this could only happen if I lived in a bubble or deserted island. Not exposed to women my age getting married, and/or having kids or parents hoping for grandkids. It feels like this whole coupling thing is an invention that society demands you take part in. From fairy tales to romance novels to sitcoms the whole story is pivoted around guy loves girl, girl loves guy, blah, blah, blah. Whatever happened to girl has an adventure. (yeah, full stop).

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When I turned 30, instead of everyone saying "I hope you live a full rich life and that you will be perpetually happy," I got "I hope this time next year you have a little bundle of joy." Here I was going into a new phase in my life where I was claiming my life, I was going to do what made me happy, instead I got a lot of pressure to have a child. You're getting old lady, get knocked up. The thing is I don't have many rules, but the ones I have are serious and one of them is I am not having a child unless I'm married and it is a good marriage. My baby daddy will be my husband and we will be living together.

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In this moment in time, I will be throwing away my heart, to all the people asking about little X, excuse my french, but SHUT THE FUCK UP!! For all the people in my face about the weight I gained, SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Here is a very important thing to remember this is MY body and MY life, if you got a problem with what I do with it and how I live my life, well, I really don't care. I don't need to be stressed by your hang ups, focus on your own life and keep out of mine. Why should I be miserable because you don't like what I want to do with my life?

For those who genuinely concerned about my future, thank you, but every time I pull away my focus from living a happy life in pursuit of "a good man", I slip and end up not going anywhere. Fine, in the whole scheme of things the whole purpose of woman is to procreate, but this woman wants to do it her way. Excuse the french above but I need (note the word need) to live my life for me, and I want all of you to be happy for me no matter what I do. For the record, so far the men I've come across are either men who want harems, religious men who have a problem with tattoos and Rasta men who are so skinny that I could probably snap them by staring at them hard and who are deeply into the Rastafarian culture. I'm sorry babes, but if you think I'll be spending time listening to conscious music and suffering from second hand high, you better think again.

Just venting.

So I feel rested an itching to go and I know I said I would be promoting myself and all, but I can't help promoting others. I must admit it, if it's good, it's good and I would want to share. So with my stuff you will be seeing a mixture of things I love, things that make me LOL (you know half the stuff we LOL at are not worthy of laughing out loud, maybe a chuckle, but not the laugh out loud), things that inspire me and anything else that catches me eye.

With the help of the internet from social media like facebook to blogging platforms, a lot of small businesses are able to tap into this global village of ours. It could be just sharing a way of thinking, or your personal style or your work, be it for profit or just to make people happy by doing what they love. Now that I'm putting my focus to the future, I'm both waiting to see what else will be created and thinking of what I could put out there. For once in my life, I am excited about the future.

To those who follow, thank you and to those who like what you see, well why aren't you following!?!?

After posting over 100 posts on the major fashion weeks, I honestly felt.... I guess down is the word. I'm not sure if it was that activity or all the other things that are going on in my life, but I think I'm going to take a break for no longer than a week to get my mind and soul together.

I think part of it was my not feeling like I was expressing my true self. I was pretty much putting out what other people were doing and reacting to it as opposed to doing my thing, chronicling what's happening in my life, putting out there the things I like. I guess I'll be taking the time to assess what I truly want to put out there.

Yes, I'm inspired by other people's work, but I don't want to reach the level where I am nothing put a reflection or better yet a mirror for others. An object with no other function but to reflect other's greatness. I don't know if I make sense.

To be honest, I've been doing a few projects, one is a collection I'm working on for the end of October, with the encouragement of a guy who works across the road from me, I'm illustrating again. Unfortunately I can't seem to find batteries for my camera, but when I get them and after this week has passed, I'll be uploading my original artwork and writing about them. I'm also going to be taking pictures of my progress with the collection. I will also be posting again on my other blog, Kim or Lisa. It's been too long since I last posted a poem and mentioning the poetry nights I've taken part in. I think I might do the 365 photo thing, I've always been into photography so it could be a way to break up the monotony of sewing constantly.

This blog has been a great way of baring my soul and I want to continue but I want to show the world the true me not.... Let me explain where I'm going. I mentioned some posts back about a guy who was interested in me but didn't like what he found about me. For instance that I have a tattoo, or I went to a particular fete, God forbid if he knew the deep down crazy stuff. I've never put myself out there, I've always been the quiet girl in the corner who was reading the book or writing a poem. The thing is people build little stories up around you, expectations that can never be and then when you show your true colours, they are taken back, offended, how dare you not be the person I thought you would be?!? Maybe that will be a series of post, things about me that people don't know.

Last but not least, I want to thank all the people who follow me and although I do this for myself, it's always nice to know that people like what I put out there.