When It Hurts So Bad

6:37 PM


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Every other Friday evening for the last 2,3 or 4 years, my mom, my sis and I have gone to C & C Wine House for a bit of vino. As my sis has returned to RI for college, it's me and my mom. Last Friday, they were playing some great music and then they started playing Lauren Hill's "When It Hurts So Bad". Now, I have the CD that that song is on and it was only in that space and time that it hit home.




Here's the lyrics:

When it hurts so bad, when it hurts so bad
Why's it feel so good?
When it hurts so bad, when it hurts so bad
Why's it feel so good?

I loved real, real hard once
But the love wasn't returned
Found out the man I'd die for
He wasn't even concerned
I tried, and I tried, and I tried
To keep him in my life
I cried, and I cried, and I cried
But I couldn't make it right
But I, I loved the young man
And if you've ever been in love,
Then you'd understand

What you want might make you cry
What you need might pass you by
If you don't catch it,
If you don't catch it,
And what you need ironically
Will turn out what you want to be
If you just let it,
If you just let it

See, I thought this feeling
It was all that I had
But how could this be love
And make me feel so bad?
Gave up my power,
I existed for you
But whoever knew the voodoo you'd do?

But I, I loved the young man
And if you've ever been in love you'd understand
What you want might make you cry
What you need might pass you by
If you don't catch it
And what you need ironically
Will turn out what you want to be
If you just let it,
What you want might make you cry
What you need might pass you by
If you don't catch it
And what you need ironically
Will turn out what you want to be
If you just let it,
If you just let it

When it hurts so bad, when it hurts so bad
Why's it feel so good?
When it hurts so bad, when it hurts so bad


This was one of those times when I can say, yes, ma'am, I can relate to this song. The line that hooked me and made me think that is it was:
But I, I loved the young man
And if you've ever been in love you'd understand
What you want might make you cry
What you need might pass you by
If you don't catch it
And what you need ironically
Will turn out what you want to be
If you just let it,

This hits home when I think of Zen, and I mentioned it the last post that I am happy, well I'm happier now than I've ever been with either Zen or OG. I'm learning to truly love myself and yes I want a companion, but if I don't know how to love myself, how do I expect someone else to.

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