I'm doing this post because I think I'm due for a heartfelt post and I haven't gotten around to doing on for a while. Now, part of the purpose of this blog is to put all the stuff that is in my head out there. Yes, I keep a journal but that is for the personal and embarassing stuff, while here is where I can be my own psychiatrist. Isn't it funny how it is easier to tell people what to do with their lives but it's hard to figure out what to do with your life.

So what is going on, or as they say here in lil ole Wadadli, "A Wha Go-On?"

Well I am working on a collection of clothing, I haven't mentioned it before because I didn't want to jinx myself. Aniguans have a tendency to talk a lot but their actions are very limited so I wanted to get away from that and get things done. So far I've gotten 4 dresses done completely, a skirt I think I'm going to revisit and a t-shirt. Unfortunately my emulsion expired so I can't do any more prints till I get that in. It is the one of the things in life, doing this collection I mean, that has made me feel accomplished and gives me a sense of peace. Strange how it gives me one part of my mantra which is peace, love and happiness.

I'm still doing poetry, although I'm not persuing it as a career path. Yes I would like to publish a small collection of poems. I'm toying with the idea of love poems since I think it is something that could be marketable, especially as it will have instructions on how to use it. I don't know, maybe it's because of the men I've encountered but I get the feeling that romance is dead, it can only be found in romance novels and chick flicks. It's as though all the men care about is sex and all women want is a man to be the father of her kids. Sometimes I wonder if some of the couples out there really love each other or if they are together because they don't think they can find better.

This brings me to this thought that has been bouncing around in my head for a couple weeks, think about the term "settling down". Maybe I think too much but now my mind has been focusing more on the word settling than anything else. In the end you have to settle down with someone. Oh God, the next thought that popped in my head was the debris that settles at the bed of a river. Maybe it is a metaphor for life, you get picked up by the rushing river near it's source and rush down until you get near the end where you are dropped never reaching the ocean. Then the question is would you really want to reach the ocean? What would the ocean be in terms of love?

Love.... when I started blogging, I had started following this blog called Le Love and in the beginning I would visit the blog constantly because it had some great pictures of what Love would look like. Well between my limited internet use and other stuff I haven't visited as much, but I have noticed that the blogger has been putting in more words as in emails sent in my followers of the blog. I hate to put it this way but most of them are downers, imagine a mix of unrequited love, love lost and love that will never be. Is this what love looks like in reality. For a while I've been on the fence of believing that real love exists and that it is really a chemical reaction to visual stimuli which your brain interprets into what it has been fed since childhood. Then again people believe that a man walked on water and at certain ceremonies they tell themselves their eating his flesh and drinking his blood. Wait does that make Catholics Vampires? Hmmm.

I've been asking myself where I want to be in 5 years. Do you know how hard that question is? It requires a lot of thought. I want to be married to a great guy who also has a romantic streak. I want a kid and one in the oven. I want the little business I'm taking baby steps with is a little bit farther, in terms of being recognized, even it is only regionally. I want to have adventures, can you imagine my zany little family going across the USA, or throwing a dart at the map of the world and going where ever it lands.

I promised myself one thing for sure this year, the year I tell people I'm 30, that I will have a great time and enjoy myself. I've got a little adventure planned for next week. I want to die with most of the items on my bucket list ticked off, but you know what, I'm not going to be Antiguan about it and broadcast what I'm going to do, I'm going to do it and post it on this blog.

For once in my life, I am claiming my happiness and I will live my mantra of peace, love and happiness.