Kimolisa Was Here

Peter went to a psychiatrist.. 'I've got problems.  Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm so scared. I think I'm going crazy.
''Just put yourself in my hands for one year,'  said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.

''How much do you charge?  
 ''Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor...
''I'll think about it,' said Peter.
Six months later the doctor met Peter on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' asked the psychiatrist.
'Well eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!    I met this Jamaican guy & was telling him about my fear, he said no problem man just give me $50 and a dozen Red Stripe Beers and I'll tell you what to do.
He cured me.    I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new car.'
''Is that so! And how, may I ask, did the Jamaican cure you?
"He told me " cut the legs off that fucking bed, man! "   Ain't nobody gonna go under there now!!!"

A dear friend of mine sent this to me and it came just in time because the times are so depressing and a joke is what the doctor prescribed. So enjoy this Jamaican joke.

source

A bus overturned with several local politicians (JLP,PNP, NDM and any otherP) on board so a farmer living nearby buried them.

The next day the police came to question the farmer. "So you buried the politicians. Were they all dead"?

He answered, "Offica when mi a bury dem some a dem a bawl out sey dem nuh dead but you know how dem lie aready" Translation - "Officer, when I was burying them, some of them were crying out that they were not dead, but you know how they always lying."

My friend sent me this the other day, too funny, too funny!!!

A friend sent me this and I had to share.

An old lady is at the supermarket with her grandchild when she says "Diploma, go get the milk,diploma go get the butter."

"Ok grandma," the child replied.

 When they got up to the register the old lady said, "Diploma pay the
 cashier."

 The cashier curiously asks "Why u call the pickney diploma?" ["Why do you call the child diploma?"]

 The old woman replied, "Cuz wen mi send har mumma go college a dis she cum
 back with." ["Because when I sent her mother to college, it is this she came back with."]