Kimolisa Was Here

I follow a blog called Le Love and I came across this clip and I cried (a little). As I like to say my face leaked water. I know, believe and hope that I find this kind of love. Not the hook up kind of love or the I think your cute kind of love, but the real I want to know everything about you love, the I love you warts and all love.

During the wedding scene, I was reminded of Bridezilla on WE Tv (my dirty, little addiction). In that show you see women going overboard about their wedding, but in this short I was reminded what weddings are all about. It's about celebrating two people's love for one another. It is the bringing together of family and friends to witness the coming together of two individuals. I always believed that when I get married, that is it, there will never be any talk of divorce. For that to happen whoever I marry has to be the real deal.

Last night, I told another guy I've been involved with that I won't be in contact with him and I need him not to be in contact with me. Yes, I've said that before and it would work. A good 5-6 months would past and no communique, then he would spoil a good thing by texting me out of the blue. The main reason I'm insisting on this is because he has a long distance girlfriend. What annoys me is the way he speaks of his relationship with her. They're suppose to get married in October, that is "if she doesn't leave" him. He hopes he doesn't mess it up because he "will be disappointing a lot of people." He is an interesting example of a man who has had his heart broken and who is willing to learn to love a woman who adores him, but may not love her as much as the woman who broke his heart. I don't have the training to dig deeper and two hurt people can't be good for each other, so I stepped away and avoid any imagery of Common, the rapper (he kind of looks like him).


Gosh, this post has gotten longer than I had planned and I'm sleepy.

So, OG is kind of in my life again, not for long though, I don't plan to have him here for much long. Partly because he is not available and partly because I feel I'm using him. It's just sometimes a person has a desire to be wanted and all that jazz.

Anyway the purpose of this post was about an article I just read on Essence.com about single, black women adopting and it got me to thinking. For one, what is going on? I'm not discrediting a woman's desire to adopt a child on her own, but what has happened to the concept of the nuclear family of mom, dad and child? It's almost like life saying you can't have everything, you can't have the job, the great home, friends, husband, family. Something has to be sacrificed. One comment to the article was this

Yes i would absolutely consider adopting a child. I"m almost 35 and still single so i know if i'm still single by the time i'm 40yrs old i'll probably adopt.

As well as this comment

I would most certainly adopt a baby. I am a single 33 year old professional female and I am like Tee (responder from above), if I do not have any children and/or I am not married by time I am 40, then I will definitely adopt.

It's honestly making me ask the question, is our careers getting in the way of finding someone? I just realized that I've been pushing away prospects with excuses related to work. Be it my day job or my side projects. I've always hid behind my work, but if I really want to find that special person, I'm going to have step way out of my comfort zone. I think there is no better time than now to do it, but I am going to do it on my terms, I want to be friends first, then lovers.

At this point, I'm not sure where OG fits in. I'm going to have to sit down with him and talk through a few things. If he was available, he would be an option for the future but I don't think it is my place to say "Hey, I like you alot and I think you like me and I would like to see if this thing we have could grow into something serious." Then again I'm going to be residing outside of my comfort zone so what do I have to lose. If anything this will freak him out and drive him away, and I won't have to dread becoming undone when he texts me out of the blue.

While emailing my friend in NYC, I realized that I've been making or perceiving this whole love thing as complicated. It is my intention not to complicate it, over analyse it and have fun. Return it to the simple girl meets boy, they like each other and live happily ever after.

That's it for now.