Kimolisa Was Here

A few weeks back, a minister came into one of my family's establishments. As is normally the case, we started to talk about business, politics and life. In the middle of the discussion on politics the minister brought up the topic of why the US is doing so bad. He then went into a tirade about why homosexuality is wrong and immoral and yada yada.

Now being a part-time student in etiquette, I chose to bring the subject around to a safer topic. Instead my sister said:

"But some of my friends are gay."

I'm sure that is what some heterosexual people think whenever people go on and on about homosexuality. Some of us have friends, family members, neighbours or co-workers who are gay and we are not comfortable with the negative discussions coming from those who are opposed to same-sex loving.

In my life time, I have had gay friends, for instance Chad. A guy from Hawaii who was sooo endearing, I remember his big smile and his open heart. I remember going to his dorm room to watch Auntie Mame, one of my favourite movies and it turned out to be one of his favourites. He would tell me about his boyfriend and we exchanged CDs (He borrowed my Erykah Badu and I borrowed his Bjork). Although I wasn't the best friend to him, he always welcomed me into his world wholeheartedly. We lost touch but I always remember him fondly.

Then there was Khalid. Oh, such a hot mess, but an exciting, hot mess. He lived down the hall from me in my Sophomore year and we met during a floor meeting. He was from Saudi Arabia and according to him he had to have a beard and act butch when he was there. Although New York was a great place for a young gay man, Khalid didn't feel the vibe and was quite timid, he wanted to return to Florence, Italy. There he had more fun and was truly in his element.

He did return to Florence, the same year I went. It was like night and day and the energy coming off of that man was amazing. He would dress feminine yet masculine, he wore his eyeliner with pride. It was no wonder he was chosen to be photographed for an article about the college.

I even had a gay roommate. This was a dark part in my life because I became quite the monster. Let me take a moment to apologize to him. My behaviour at the time was more a result of my not being true to myself and instead of directing my anger towards myself, I turned it at him. I am truly sorry for that.

There have been other gay men and women who have passed through my life and I don't always view them through the portal of their sexuality. The best way I can explain this is by referring to a family friend.

Growing up, my family were friends with another family. Through my mom, a lady knew the mother in the family. One day the lady asked about "the Indian lady who is our friend". Indian lady? Who is she talking about? Oh yeah, that lady. The more I knew her, the less I viewed her through obvious descriptions. To me, she was not an Indian lady, she was a mother, a wife, a friend, she goes to the gym, she has hopes and fears, she is always smiling.

When I think about the gay people I know, I see them as a whole, all their interesting parts. Then I got to thinking, now all these people who have a problem with homosexuality because they can't get past the sex part, do they think about heterosexuals having sex? Let's try a little experiment, get comfy and ponder the following people having sex:

• Your parents;
• Your siblings and their significant others;
• Your best friend and their significant other;
• Your co-workers;
• Your next door neighbours;
• The next person you see today;

I had a post in mind to post for today but I felt that I needed to do this one instead. Thursday started lovely, the weather was divine, the sun was shining and the air was cool. I forgot how much I love cool weather. Then my day was almost disturbed when it was shared with me that there are four videos floating around of secondary school students having sex. I was also shown two of those videos. Sigh.

Where do I begin? How about by enumerating why this almost disturbed my day:

1. I had to watch the videos on a cell phone while my mother and sister were watching for my reaction. Can we say uncomfortable and awkward.
2. These are teenagers attempting to make porn. Ugh!
3. This could be a cousin or a friend's child.
4. How stupid can young people be? Hello! if a phone has the capability of recording videos, it has the ability of transferring them online and to other phones.
5. What did these young ladies think would happen to the video?

Back in 2007, the Kindle came out and it seemed interesting, but I refused to even entertain it. I'm an avid reader and I love the feeling of a book in my hands, the smell of a new book and the well worn nature of a used book. Why would I ever even think about purchasing another device to stare at? Also I am and will always be a supporter of bookstores and libraries, two of my favourite places in the world.

Basically, the Kindle and other such device were for techies and other people, plus I couldn't afford it and had better things to do with my money. I was one of those people who would share the stick figure drawing of a person destroying his friends Kindle in defense of books. Then I was turned to the dark side.

It didn't happen dramatically with the crack of lightening and thunder. It was more like that drip under your sink that eventually fills the bucket. First I came across a series of eBooks that I really liked. It was free and was an eBook, this meant I had to read it from my computer screen (something I still am not a fan of) or print it out (waste of perfectly good recycled paper).

Then my sister got a kindle app on her android phone and purchased the Hunger Game trilogy and The Fifty Shades of Grey series. She got to read them right away and was onto another set of "books". It took a while before I got to read the Hunger Games trilogy and I still haven't read Fifty Shades.

No problem, I can learn to live with out being able to simply download books. Then one day a friend sent a link to a free eBook on Amazon. I quickly went and got the book, but the only way to read it is from the Kindle App on the Amazon website. Reading from a computer screen is not fun, it's like you are handcuffed to the computer and what happens if you want to read on the go, in the bank in a line or while traveling. Sigh.

The straw that broke my camel's back, I found a website that shares the links to free eBooks on Amazon and free eBooks from a site called Smashwords that lets people publish eBooks. So here are all these free books, but that would mean I would have to read them from the computer or print them out which means wasting ink and paper. It's a conspiracy I tell you.

What doesn't help is the following:

• Sometimes, the eBook is cheaper than the actual book
• This is a great way to decide if you really want the actual book;
• Less cluttering of one's home with books you just didn't like or just found were okay;
• Free eBooks;
• Access to less mainstream authors who are quite good;
• As I live on an island, the price of the book will not be raised with the cost of shipping and importation taxes;
• I won't be tied down to the computer;

Don't get me wrong, it's not all sunshine and rainbows, I would feel bad about not supporting the local book stores more. I'm not crazy about another device to charge and be attached to. I'm not saying with a Kindle, I'm not going to support the local bookstore, but I will be a better cheapskate and work on living with less.

The reality is technology is continuing to grow and expand and one can't help but grow with it, but one should be aware of themselves and integrate it in a way that it is beneficial to their lives as opposed to jumping on the band wagon just because the technology is there.

Yes I have a Mac and an iPod, an Android phone, but they are not the latest and greatest. They serve a purpose and I am content with them. And now that the price of the Kindle has come down considerably, I have no problem with adopting it into my device family. Don't get me wrong, I still own a vintage rotary phone, a trusty desk lamp and my TV (which I haven't used in months) is not a flat screen and my DVD player is not Bluray.

As I embark on this next step in my Technological journey, I still have a desire to hold on to the things of the past. I'm craving a camera that uses film. It feels like technology is pulling me along kicking and screaming. For the record I will not be doing implants, be it in the skin or in my eyes or brain, I have some limits.

Are there any devices you have been resisting? What are they? Do you think technology is moving too fast? Leave your answers in the comment section below.

One day, as I was driving, I noticed the sign for the Parliament of Antigua and Barbuda. It must have been new because I don't recall seeing it there before. Then it dawned on me that Antigua and Barbuda was a country. Bare with me, I can be a bit slow-witted. Seeing the sign made me really see that this little island nation was an actual country with population, flag, anthem, culture, etc. This got me to thinking.

What made one country more significant than another? What made us become more aware and knowledgeable about one country than another? I'll use the United States of America as an example because it impacts us in the Caribbean more than other developed countries. Granted that it is much larger than us, but why does the USA command such attention on the world stage? Why doesn't Canada or Brazil?

Is it because it is the best country in the world? Well not really, it ranks #37 in health care, #31 in education and #1 in wealth. After much thought I've concluded that it is because it says it's the best. It knows it's strong suits and tells you about it. The USA is not afraid of exporting to the world what makes it grand. I'm sure many people around the world know what Times Square and the Golden Gate Bridge look like without even stepping foot on American soil.

So how do we use this to our advantage? How can we become bigger than life and let the world know what we are working with? We act like the United States:

• Know your strengths and weaknesses;
• Try to soften the weaknesses;
• Broadcast your strengths;
• Keep producing content that show your strengths;
• Don't be afraid to express yourself;
• Even if you are not producing content, give your opinion;
• Have fun, get out there and be adventurous;
• Be the best at something;
• Even if it sounds stupid and it might not work, do it anyway;
• Make people laugh;
• Be compassionate and show that you care;
• Make a lot of friends, you never know when you might need them on your side;

Now I won't say do all these things at the same time, but consider them as a starting point in getting yourself noticed in a world that is getting noisier and noisier. Growing up, we try to be like everyone else, turns out we should have been trying to just be ourselves. Isn't it time the world see who we really are?

source

source

Between the two women above, who would you like to spend a Sunday brunch with? I don't know about you, but I'm drawn to the woman at the top. Okay, I'm cheating a bit because I know what the lady at the top is about and why she looks the way she does.

I'm sure by now, her story has made the rounds online, and to some I might be late (whateva!), but when I first saw this article in Yahoo's Shine, it touched a cord in me and I had a shift. Don't you love my new age jargon? The first thing you see in the article is a picture of Balpreet Kaur waiting in line, looking at her cell, and the first thing that came to mind was "Wow, she's ballsy! She has no problems with being who she is." I didn't look down at her or thought that she was lacking, in fact I thought she had a lot of courage to say "This is me, take me as I am," through her actions.

What endeared her more to me is that she took a situation where people were saying mean things about her appearance and turn it around to make people rally towards her side. Her message to those people who had a problem with her appearance was honest, candid and encouraged people to open their minds. She spoke power humanity, humility, and nurtured and encouraged the idea of thinking of changing the world through our actions.

Don't get me wrong, sure it would be nice to have brunch with a Supermodel. We could talk about me raiding her closet, the places she had been to, the people she had met, the people she knows, all the while paparazzi taking pictures of us. I would be the un-famous acquaintance or the random hand in the shot. Fun times. But I would rather spend time with someone who would nourish my soul, who would inspire me to do great things, not because it would make me look good, but because I would be helping someone or something in need.

So Balpreet Kaur, if ever I'm in your neck of the woods or you in mine, I would love to take you out to Sunday Brunch.

Check out the article and have a great week, and remember, you are awesome to the tenth power.

Last Friday, as my mom and I existed in a state of prolonged funk due to our individual and united financial plight, my mom came across a box of pictures. It was a mix of photos from the 90's and 00's (naughties perhaps?). Somewhere in the middle of scratching our heads and flipping through pictures, the world didn't seem such a dismal and dreary place. It was a beautiful day, for Pete's sake.

One of the many pictures my mom brought to my attention was one of a man sitting on a sheet of plywood being held up by buckets. To his right was a modest sound system sitting on two empty drink's crates. When my mom passed me the picture, she said it was a shame that he died. To this, I asked if he was dead, she reminded me that he died in a car accident caused by someone's careless driving. In fact, he was asleep when the accident happened.

He was called Stitchy. He was one of those people who used to hang around my mom's store. He always had a smile and I honestly can't remember if he viewed life as hard. He used to sell bootleg tapes around the corner and he was content with his lot in life. As time passed he moved on, like most people do, such is life. Sure, we would see him every now and then, on the street or in some random place. Hands would wave, smiles would crease faces and then it would be back to one's life.

Unfortunately, he died. On that Friday, as my mom flipped through pictures, she said that some of the pictures have people who died. It made me think of the people who had passed on who were kind of like Stitchy.

Papa Zuki, the professional jail man. He would come to my mom's store and buy fake chains and take them down to Heritage Quay and sell them as real jewelry. It didn't hurt that the wholesalers in NYC would stamp the three digit code on them which meant that they were real. People would come to us and we would pretend we knew nothing about it. He had a daughter who smoked (did marijuana), who in a way adopted us. He died

There was also a drug guy. We knew he was into drugs, but he was trying to do the same thing as Papa Zuki, selling fake jewelry as real. It was weird how he gravitated to our store, especially as he never rubbed me the right way. He died.

These men existed at one point, and at one point they were part of our story, our life. Thinking about it now, I think they kept coming to my mom's store, to us because we saw them, we heard them. They woke up every morning and they knew for sure that at least one group of people would acknowledge the fact that they woke up and were here. Maybe that is all some people need, someone to know that they are somebody.

So take a moment today or during the week and acknowledge another person. It could be a smile, a kind word, an act of kindness, email a friend to let them know that you are thinking about them, sit down and listen to an elderly person, call a friend and just listen. 

The cool thing is when you do this one thing for that other person, you will be blessed with something that will make you feel like a million bucks. In these moments, you will be connected to another human being on a whole new level. A level worth striving for.

Have a great week and remember, someone out there loves you.