Kimolisa Was Here

Psst! Come over here. Don't tell anyone, but I think he's the one. Yeah, the guy I'm seeing. For real though, but don't tell anyone.

Why I'm Not Looking Forward To Getting Hitched

No, really who are you?

For the last couple days, I've been building up to this question. Who am I? I know that it looks like a simple question but I also know that it is a heavy one. One that stumps people, making them stop and really think about it. Sometimes they start the list. You know the list, for instance mine would be I am:

• A daughter
• A sister
• A friend
• A freelancer
• A paper pusher
• ....

This is all well and good, but those are in relation to others or to activities. What happens if you strip them away, who are you? Who are you before others placed labels on you? Who are you before you  took on a profession? Who are you in a crowd of strangers?

After much thought, I've come to the belief that when you have the answer to this heavy question, you have a solid core and no matter what is layered over it, the core remains the same. Don't ask me why, but I'm thinking it's like the earth. When the top layers shift and crack, the core sends up magma to fill the void created. And that magma is rich in minerals. So if our sense of self shifts, if we lose a job to which our identity is so closely attached, we can fall back on our core identity, recognise that we are not our job but something and someone so much more.

So, who am I? Sometimes people like to throw that question like a right hook or a left jab, "Who do you think you are?", "Ah who she t'ink she be?" Well, to be honest, I don't know but I am working to find out. There are a few things I do know about myself, the kind of things that come from the gut that tells me I am happy or excited about something or that are hardwired into me as I've evolved, they are as follows,

• I love to dance
• I love to laugh
• I love to read
• I like to travel, not so much reaching the final destination but the actual traveling
• I find large bodies of water peaceful, I like being out at sea
• I like to try new things, I am the first of my siblings to eat Sushi and thanks to my Chinese coworkers in New York, I've eaten eel (it tastes fishy)
• I find peace in writing
• I love talking with people over good food and wine
• I am stubborn, that is hardwired
• I stand firmly on principle even though I am trying to reduce my value judgement
• I am an idea machine but I am working on being a doer as well as a thinker
• I am a movie lover
• I love good sheets, there is something about curling up under a sheet with a certain thread count, or a fluffy duvet on a cold day
• I love independence, it is something I've always valued but I'm still working out what it truly means
• I love and fear the silence where all the demons and angels come out to play and the rawness of who I am brings tears to my eyes

A lot of thought leaders (such a funny term) have been spouting the idea that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. And for the most part, I agree but it saddens me that we get so caught up in petty issues, that our humanity is our handicap. What if we were not limited by our fears of what people will say? What if we did amazing things in spite of  our families saying don't do it because they are afraid we would be hurt? What if we became someone who is more than our job titles, our possessions, our relations to others, our hobbies and our capabilities?

What if you knew that from the beginning, be it conception or birth, you knew that you were special, that you mattered, that you can be and do whatever you want without limitations?

What if....

image credit: The Touch

For the first time in thirty five years being on this rock hurtling through space, I tried marijuana and I have one thing to say,


Now there are many reasons why I've never tried Mary Jane, including effective drug use prevention advertisements and that little thing where I can't inhale. In the past, I've tried cigarettes and cigars and I just can't voluntarily inhale smoke. As this is the case, I've tried ingesting the weed, I've eaten:

• A Marijuana sugarcake - Made me sleepy. I must say I slept well that night;
• A Marijuana lollipop - God, it tasted so bad that I could take only so much and I felt nothing.

Then over the weekend, I had Marijuana in cake. As one friend said, it doesn't appear as though it's working until bam, you are high, and trust me, she wasn't whistling Dixie. I think I had 4-5 1 1/2" X 1" cakes and it doesn't help my situation that I was drinking. Ladies and gentlemen, I was shitfaced and I don't want to ever be like that again. My symptoms that night were:

• Major cotton mouth;
• Hyper-awareness - it killed the chatter in my head and left my only perceiving things as they are;
• Slow motor skills - although I was hyper-aware, I was sluggish;
• A listing to the right - I would be walking and I would veer to the right;

Now the above may not all be attributed to the Mary Jane alone but it was a trip traveling home. I can understand why people take it like one would drink wine, but I didn't like losing control. I appreciated the hyper awareness because now I know what it looks like so I can work to get back to that place without drugs, but I like to be able to defend myself, to react quickly and that is impossible while under the influence.

I also noticed that it brought out a base emotion. I noticed that I became anxious, I was anxious while my sister was driving, I was anxious about how I behaved at the get together, I was anxious about how people perceived me. I was uber anxious and that continued into the next day while at work. I had to calm my anxieties and remind myself to let go of decade old regrets. The drug brought forth my most primal emotion and proved that although I layered on positive points of view, the negative roots are still there and can escape through a crack.

My first hallucinogenic experience was a double edge sword, I learned from it and still it was not all fun experiencing it. Would I try it again? No, it just isn't my cup of tea. I would rather read a good book, hang out with cool people, take in a great view or watch a movie than get high. Would I tell others not to try it? No, I think people should experience it so that they can have their own view point on it. I know it would be hard for me to do, but I would have my child try it in my presence so that they go through it in a safe environment. Then when they are proper wasted, I would make the experience awful (muhahaha).

 Now a day and a half removed from the experience, I can definitively say, "Thank you, but no thank you." If that is the alleged gateway drug, I won't be indulging in any drugs in the future thus making me even more of a prude. Ain't no thang, I'm a prude till I die.


Image Credit: ImageBack

Let me start off by putting things into perspective. Think about it, you are:

• One person in a population of over 7 billion people;
• On a planet in a solar system of 9 planets (yes, Pluto is in my solar system);
• In a solar system in a galaxy of billions of solar systems;
• In a galaxy in a universe that has billions of galaxies.

Now, the question I have to ask you is, why do you think you are so important? In the whole scale of things you are a speck on a speck in a speck in another speck. Think that little creature that is smaller than an ant, that's you.

Then there is the fact that time is continuous, oh sure it seems to slow down when you are having a memorable moment, but it just keeps going like a lazy river. At one point you jumped into that river and then another point you came out. But think about this, do you know anything about your great-great-great-great uncle on your mother's side? Do you know anything about the shepherd in Ireland, the goat herder in Kenya, the opium farmer in Afghanistan who existed in the past or lives during your lifetime? And the reality is they know absolutely nothing about you.

Think about it, the "famous" people, the Nelson Mandela's, the Beyonce's, the Hitler's are one in billions. They "won" the lottery through their hard work, good or bad, their consistency and single mindedness (but that is another blog post). And guess what? the rest of us didn't "win" that lottery, but even if we did, in a hundred years, a thousand years, these individuals will only be remembered by historians, replaced by people doing interesting things in the future. The day will come when the Kardashians will be forgotten.

The reality is

• DO IT because you want it more than anything in the world
• DO IT because it is what YOU want to do
• DO IT because it is part of your legacy, what you are leaving to the world
• DO IT because despite the hardship, when it is done you feel on top of the world
• DO IT because no one can do it like you
• DO IT because you deserve it

And as added motivation, Shia LaBouef:


But also DO IT, because in the grander scheme of things it doesn't matter and that should be one weight off your shoulders, one less thing in your way along your path to personal greatness. But never forget,

The other day I caught up with a series of webisodes called Sexless and after watching 4 episodes I thought it should be called The Young and The Thirsty. For those who don't know what Thirsty means, here is a definition from Urban Dictionary:

To be thirsty, is to over actively: investigate, long for, covet, in some occasions intensely staring, or bold displays of desperation.

To be honest, I have mixed opinions about this show. On one hand I dislike how it displays this sad version of women who crave male attention at the expense of their dignity and pride. But on the other hand, it shows the thirst so that women can identify it in themselves.

As I thought more about the show, I found myself thinking up things I would say to the various women, like

• If the man tells you he is seeing other people and is pushing for you to be intimate with him, is he really the man you want to be with?
• Stop being a cock tease, honey. You can't be flirting and giving men the belief that they can get the cookies then tell them the kitchen is closed;
• If you want to be more than friends, tell the man. If he wants the same, woohoo. If not let it go and move on. In case you didn't know there are other men out there, just open your eyes.

Then I stopped. I accepted that these women are young, they have yet to learn the facts of life and in this race to find Mr. Right and settle down, they will meet a lot of Mr. Wrongs and Mr. Not Right Nows. I also stopped because I know I did my fair share of stupid ish. Hell, I'm still doing stupid ish and most likely will do more in the future. Who am I to judge?

I noticed that I am always quick to give people solutions and advice but I rarely take the time to give myself the advice I needed. I was like the carpenter who's house is never finished, the seamstress who wore boring clothing and the doctor whose family always gets sick. It's only when we are instructed to take care of ourselves first then take care of the people we love that we actually do it. Through church and society we are told to take care of everyone before ourselves.

It was only recently that a concept became apparent to me,

They say treat others like you would treat yourself, but what if you don't like yourself? What if you treat yourself badly? Won't you treat others badly too?

I treat myself badly when I don't nurture myself. I treat myself badly when I berate myself for making a mistake. I treat myself badly when I don't stand up for myself, when I didn't give myself the advice I need, when I don't ensure that I am happy. I treat myself badly when I put the needs of others before my own needs which leads to unhappiness and resentment.

It's time that this doctor took the time to look after herself because if she doesn't how can she look after someone else?

How about you? Are you treating yourself badly? How can you treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated? Leave your answers in the comments below. And don't forget to share because sharing is caring.

img: ImageBack

Has this ever happened to you? You are browsing through a site, you've done business with them or you simply go about your business and the next thing you know you see their ad beside your newsfeed in FaceBook or next to the video you are watching on YouTube. Or you are visiting some random site and you see the very same thing you were looking at hours ago being advertised to you. It's almost as if the website is stalking you and the scary thing is it is.

It's big business, it's internet business and it's the price we pay for existing online. Big and small companies are putting hooks into your browser and traveling behind you like the spider whose web you walked through. At first, you may not notice it, but in the end it becomes a nuisance and what these big companies may or may not know is it puts some of their customers off.

For instance, I did some business with a domain registration company. Please note I said I DID business with them, I gave them my money. In my head that means I don't have to think about them for another year or so when I need to renew. Why do I have to see their ad while watching a YouTube video? And please, Amazon, I am a funny buyer. I buy when I need something or when I really want something. Be a dear and stop posting ads of things I only viewed in passing. It's annoying. If I didn't buy it then, I've already forgotten about it and don't need or want it.

Now I get it, it's all a numbers game. The more times they do it, the higher the probability of someone responding to it. I know the technology hasn't been developed to allow us who are not interested to bow out of this type of marketing but it doesn't mean I can't share my displeasure about it. It doesn't mean I won't rethink my overall use of the internet and it's offerings.

I love the internet, it provides me with income and it connects me to a world of people who I would not have met otherwise but sometimes, oh, sometimes, it makes me appreciate the world beyond the virtual connectivity. I appreciate the wide open spaces where no one is trying to sell me something or the other. The places where all the senses are used to ground one to this physical plane. Then I get the ping of my phone, the blip on my FaceBook and I dive back under like a great whale, plunging back into the virtual world. But why does it feel more like an addiction than a normal way of life?

This question popped into my head a few days ago and I found it a bit difficult to answer. It was a dynamic question, something that should be asked in the moment. To me, the question should be


After much thought, I figured the answer could be both. We are living and dying.

Everyday we are living our lives, working, going to class, studying, bumming around. The simple fact that we are breathing and moving around means we are living, but we are still dying.

In this moment our cells are dying. In a few years, all the cells in your body right now will be dead. Plus each day that passes means we are one day closer to death. And the crazy thing is we don't really know when we will die.

Sure, we assume that we will die at an old age, but think about it. Think about all the people you knew within your life time who have died as a child, in their teens, 20's, 30's 40's, etc. They all thought they would make it to their 70's, 80's, even their 90's. It wasn't guaranteed to them and it's not guaranteed to you.

Knowing that I am dying gives me the incentive to live. Because we think we have 30+ years to live, we believe we can put things off but look at the facts. Did you accomplish all the things you wanted to do in your teens? How about in your 20's? It's amazing how quickly a year passes as you get older. Before you know it a decade has gone by and you didn't grab that opportunity, you didn't start that thing, you didn't tell someone you loved them.

You keep putting it off believing there always will be a tomorrow. The truth is tomorrow is not guaranteed. You could be at the wrong place at the wrong time and lose your life, do you want your last moments spent lamenting over not telling your parents that you appreciated everything they've done for you and that you loved them. Or worse, do you want to be in your deathbed at 86 regretting not connecting with that person who vibrates at the same level as you.

Life is right now, this moment and you can choose to live, doing everything you want to do in your lifetime, or die, letting each day pass without taking the next step closer to your drams, your goals, a better version of you.

Every morning you make that choice, don't leave it to habit, don't leave it to chance. Make the concerted effort to choose living YOUR life.

So to you, and you on your desktop, you on your smartphone, you on you laptop and you on your tablet,  I have one question for you,

I've been blogging for about 2 1/2 years, posting between my two main blogs 1,415 posts and sometimes I wonder if people actually read them. It's weird because part of me wishes I had more followers and more people visiting, but then there is a part that doesn't want people to read because I can be very honest on my blogs. Yes, I post very frivolous things, but sometimes I use my blog to work out things I've been thinking about. It's like the part of me that knows all the answers to my questions gets to speak. So if you want to pass on this post, go right ahead.

I don't know about other singles, but sometimes, I would see old classmates married and with kids and I would get the feeling that I haven't been meeting my targets in life. It's like I'm the slow one in the class, which puts me in the position of looking for anyone who could be my hubby. This in itself is pretty sad because I would be willing to give up on happiness and being with my soulmate to be in a marriage just to be in a marriage or because the biological clock is ticking. So here are the thoughts of my sane side.


Marriage is such a complicated thing. In fact, it's origins are not rooted in love but in the unification of families, the acquisition of wealth, the foundation for the act of procreation and/or a business transaction. Still couples are getting married without meeting each other before hand. Little girls as young as 5 are getting married, joining her husband's household when she's in her teens. Back in the day, fishermen were wise to marry fishermen's daughters, women who would know how to sell the fish they brought in. In some cultures, men married women for the abovementioned reasons, but had concubines or courtesans which were the women they loved. It was only recently that the institution of marriage had anything to do with love. Even in the west, people are getting married as a business in terms of trying to stay in the country they immigrated to or to get the financial and security benefits that marriage affords.

So as you see marriage is not something as simple as boy meets girl, boy loves girl, boy marries girl. So why get married? Who should we get married to? Should we get married for love, as a business transaction, to have kids or to have someone to grow old with? Call me kooky, but I want to be married to my soulmate. Yeah, I sense a lot of people rolling their eyes and thinking that that means I'm never going to get married, well let me set you straight.

Here is my theory, I believe that we are all part of this great big puzzle (can you tell that I like doing puzzles) and we're separtated, all these pieces all over the place. Now, we are all of the same picture, some pieces fit together, some fit better than others, and there will be some that are the perfect fit. Also this is not your average puzzle which limits you to 4 possible options, this is an uber puzzle so you have a few options. The problem is you don't know how many options and you don't know who your options are. This leads to another problem, how do you find these people who are the perfect fit?

Well, that is a problem indeed. In fact it is a multi-million dollar industry, imagine how many books, magazines have been sold, how many dating sites are out there, not to mention advice websites. Here are all these people looking for love, asking others, well asking everyone else the one question they should be asking themselves. Actually it's more than one question,

• Do I want to be in love?
• Who am I? Not what am I in terms of looks, career and other superficial things which are exterior results of who we are?
• Who do I want to spend the rest of my life with?
• Do I want to get married?
• Do I want kids?

By knowing oneself, one would be able to know who they want to be with. Today, society has given us these exterior things to want from an individual based on looks, social standing, financial standing, and somewhere along the way we forgot to look at the person based on who they are emotionally and personality-wise. Okay, he may not be driving the greatest car, but he makes you laugh, he has a vision of what he wants to be and where he wants to be. She may not have a long ass weave and not look like she stepped off a magazine cover, but she makes you feel good, she supports you and she is doing her thing. I guess what I'm saying is look with your heart not with your mind, well perhaps a little with your mind, ask for who you want and in a weird way you will get it. The universe is funny in that way, how does the saying go? Ask and you shall recieve.

I guess what I'm saying is before I go running after the institution of marriage, let me take the time to know myself, love myself, figure out who I want to be with and then, only then, look for that person.

Yes, envy will creep into my heart when I see old classmates married, but I would rather be with a man who can make me smile and laugh, who I know I can have adventures with, who will get that I'm not perfect, but is willing to live with me as a work in progress. I want to be married to a man who gets my sense of humour and understands that I might say things out of left field, and I can be a bitch when I'm hungry. I want to be with a man I feel comfortable curling up with and I know I can call him when I'm feeling crappy or am having a crappy day. I want a man I can be vunerable with, this one is a major one, now that I look at it. I don't share my feelings easily. I am prone to being the strong one, the one people turn to, and it would be great to be with someone who can be the one I can turn to. I want a man who I can be myself with, no masks, no illusions, no bullsh*t, just me and he will love that person.


Maybe I'm asking for too much, maybe I will never meet that man, but I'm going to do something that I've preached about but never followed, I'm going to have faith. It's not an easy thing to do, some days will be harder than some, but it's worth trying. Plus I have to keep these in mind:




And most importantly

For more wisdom check out Etiquette for a Lady.

I had to get that out, I just can't believe how long it turned out to be. I guess this is what happens when I have a Rockstar in the morning. Well, back to our regular progamming.

Interesting and thought provoking.


WAR SCHOOL from Ben Newman on Vimeo.

A couple years back, I fell in love with a particular type of flower that grew in the yard of my parents' neighbour. I had mentioned it and my mom and I arranged to get a slip from the gardener. In the end I got two slips and for a while I had them on my gallery waiting to plant. Well months passed before someone else planted them, one in a place that made no sense to me and the other where I wanted it. One was planted near the wall of my apartment, the other out in the open near the walk way.

So the flowering plants grew and grew. Then one day a storm came through with incredible winds and knocked over the one that was in the open. To be honest, I felt no way about it as where it was made no sense and I had another one, so I disposed of it.

Then a year or two later, there was no storm but there was a lot of wind and it broke down the top of my remaining flowering plant. This time I felt a little taken aback, but this time I cut down the broken branches. I then kept two of them and put them in two bottles of water and let them grow roots. Once again I had two plants to be planted.

It was only when I thought that they were ready that I went about putting them in earth. This time I did it myself and I dug up a hole in front of the small veranda in the flower bed on the left side near the walk way. Another hole was dug in the same flower bed on the right side, kinda in the midst of other flowering plant. These were perfect places as it would create a sense of symmetry, which is a major component in natural beauty.

Well, the plant on the left didn't make it the next day, or was it two days later, I found it lying on the ground. I wasn't too sad because once again the other plant survived. And I must admit, my little garden is overgrown with majority of the plants I would love to destroy, so I have to make the effort to look for my little plant. When ever I saw it, I got a little sense of pride, like that one is all mine, it lives because of me.

Then a month ago, as I was leaving home, I looked across and the top of my plant was cut off!!! The people who come to cut the yard, did a number on my plant, but no stress a branch had started to grow out the side so it still had potential. It will live even though it didn't follow the expected growth pattern, it will live.

Then a few weeks ago, I looked at my plant again and again, the was cut off. A different person who was cutting the yard cut my plant off. This time I was pissed because it was cut low, but I hoped that it would make it, that it would grow.

That was not the case, this morning when I looked at my plant, it had died, just a stick sticking out the ground. This got me thinking about my life and my dreams. It made me a little sad though. I know it's just plants and one should not look for and make up meanings for why things happen but I learned some lessons from this whole experience and that is the main reason why we have experiences, to gain wisdom. Also, this may sound new agey, but I think that is how God talks to people, it's not in words, not in verbs and nouns, but the whole process of nature, we just have to be quiet and open our minds to what is being said. Okay now the lessons:

Lesson 1
Don't let others determine what you do with your life. Do things the way you want to do it, I always have at the back of my mind that when all the other people are gone and it's just you there to live your life, you're going to have to figure out for yourself if the life you're living is what you truly want. Why wait till then to make decisions that will impact your well being.

Lesson 2
Protect your dreams. Keep them in a safe spot because you never know when it will be destroyed by some freak storm. You see everyone is focused on something, be it personal or for the community, and the truth is they are not going to pussy foot around your dreams if they're in their way. People are going to go full steam ahead and if they crash through, be grateful if they acknowledge on their own what they've done. Keep that close to your chest, tell only those who you know will support you with that dream. And when I support you I don't mean help you step by step, I mean give you moral support, keep you accountable even when you feel like lapsing.

Lesson 3
Never give up. Okay, my plant is dead, chopped down without a backward glance, but you know what I know how to grow another one. I still have the tree I got the two branches from and I can start some more plants up and I will. We all go through setbacks and we can either feel bad or see it for what it is, an opportunity to learn the lesson and to come back stronger and bolder. Maybe instead of just one plant on each side, I'll plant two, at least I know how to do it already. That is why I'm a supporter of those who grow their wealth than those who are given wealth. If the wealth is taken away, the person who grew their wealth can always regain the wealth, they did it before, but the person who was given wealth would not know where to start. Don't let your setbacks be the end of the journey, let it be the bump in the road you will in the end forget about.


For the last week or so, I have not been on my A-game, in fact, 2011 has been a meh year with the highlights being my involvement in the poetry scene on island and my pursuit of a particular goal I just can't let go. Every now and then I need to let my inner guide give me some guidance and that is what the above was my inner guide/Goddess/whatever letting me know that whatever I'm going through now will be long forgotten in a year's time. Perhaps I will still see a shadow of a scar, but the details will be vague. 

Plus, it's not how one starts that matters, it's how one finish. 

If you've read a post I did last week, or if you read the poem, Perfect Man on my other blog, Kim or Lisa, you would know that my grandfather died. One of the sad things is I don't feel any great loss, well not compared to say how my dad felt. You see, we weren't close and he was more like a distant great uncle, you know you're supposed to love them but it doesn't come from a genuine place. It's a matter of duty. (Please note the world duty, because it will be coming back in this post or a later post). The funny thing is a couple nights ago I dreamt that I had passed by one of his properties and there was memorial service and as I was leaving, I was crying. Real tears, but I chided myself because I don't cry.

The other sad thing about my grandfather dying is the family. Oh, not my family, my family is cool, my siblings are boss. What I'm talking about is my dad's siblings and the drama. Let me paint a picture for you. My grandfather (notice no grand daddy or grand pa) was a hard working man, he would have been labeled a hustler and as a result he had property. Property means more than one portion of land. Don't think I'm gloating, I'm not going to front and act that stuff is mine. I didn't work for it so it isn't mine. Between the hardwork of my grandfather and my grandmother (she died before my dad even met my mom), they acquired a lot. Now we introduce the characters of this mad soap.

Dad
First born so he had a lot of work growing up. This includes helping in the upbringing of his siblings, cooking, farming. He later started working at the regional airline as a cleaner and through his own hardwork, he became an aircraft engineer, built apartments, and with my mom opened a few businesses. Let's just say he did well for himself.

Aunt
Lord, where can I begin. Bible toting government worker. You know what I'm going to err on the side of caution.

Uncle
Left the island 30+ years ago, all the while bad talking his family every chance he could and upon hearing Grandfather was dying he found his way back to Antigua. Damn shame is all I got to say. Can you imagine the man was quoting the Godfather, saying how family is important. Now if I was to even add all the other dirt on this man, mmm mmm.

The Ex-Wife
Grandfather had remarried, it was a Spring - Autumn thing. Well they cause each other grief but that was their problem. Two years ago, she filed divorce procedures, and early this year, through much back and forth she got a portion of land and a house or two. She wanted the house, my grandmother's house.

The Ex-Wife's Daughters
One is loved by my Grandfather, but she treats him like crap and the other is... She doesn't have kind words for him and has assaulted him on at least one occasion.

Now Grandfather is buried in a tomb just above grandmother, and the siblings want to know when the will be read. A week has not passed and almost all the above characters have been calling my Dad, when the will be read. My Dad is the Executor of the will. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that none of my father's siblings have done as much as my father and grandfather have done in their lives. Now they want to scoop up all that he has worked for and still hate him. I don't know what is in your book, but in my book, that isn't right.

I mention all of that because it made me take a good look at my life and see the lessons to be learned from this situation. It made me re-evaluate the importance of acquiring property. Now, I know my siblings aren't going to be like that, we've said it many times to each other that we're not going to fight for what our parents own. But you know what it is as well, it's a trap for affection, think about it. The promise of getting something forces one to treat the person nice, to do everything to appease the person.

Maybe I'm transcending to something more profound when I've accepted that I would settle for a nice home, enough income and the desire for great experiences with great people. Experiences can range from enjoyable ones to those that may seem difficult but really lets you grow as an individual. I don't want to be a slave to my possessions, working to buy them, to protect them, to insure them and then they either break, get stolen or I die and those you leave behind act like fools trying to own it.

I mean wouldn't it be nice to be lying on your death bed and knowing that you've lived a full life and that you've given your children the knowledge to provide for themselves, live a life of their choosing and are good to others. I like that idea. I know I've said stuff in the past and never came through with them, so I'm keeping my future plans close to my chest, but I'm looking to be living life they way I want.