Why He's The One

3:04 PM

Psst! Come over here. Don't tell anyone, but I think he's the one. Yeah, the guy I'm seeing. For real though, but don't tell anyone.


Now on a serious note, let's get into this week's blog post. The other evening, a person who I think is the bee's knees said something that got me to thinking. I'm paraphrasing of course, but he said something along the lines that he's not into the concept of marriage as there was not guarantee that it would not end in divorce. And to be honest, I can't fault him on this notion.

If you look at all the information that is shoved in our faces, from the divorce rate being around 50% and more and more people are embracing the single lifestyle indefinitely, it asks the question why bother get hitched? And part of me is not crazy about the idea either, but there is a but. Let me dissect it for you like it's a frog in a high school lab.

Why I'm Not Looking Forward To Getting Hitched

It's a family thing. My notion of marriage comes from the examples I saw growing up, i.e. the folks, the parents, those people who raised me. And although I love them to death, my memories of married life are those of misery and fatigue. Misery because things are not going a certain way in the point of view of one parent. Fatigue because they worked hard to provide. But I didn't see much of the lovey lovey stuff that the media tells us that marriage is all about. To me, marriage seemed as though it was something you wanted to get out of and something you regretted.

The Wedding. My mom, for a short period of time, was in the wedding business and when I saw all that goes into a wedding, I will kindly say "Thank you, but no thank you." In fact, what I will tell anyone is to have a small civil union/wedding, and after 5 - 10 years, have the elaborate affair for an anniversary or renewing of vows. Nothing much grieves my soul more than seeing people spend money they don't have to feed people they barely know and ending up going home to mommy and daddy because they don't like their spouse. At least stay with the SOB until after you pay off for the wedding, at least then you or them don't have one more thing to bitch and blame about in your union.

One more person to monopolize my time. There are 24 hours in the day, 4-8 of them are spent sleeping, another 8 or so are at work, let's say 1-3 for hygiene, commuting to work and eating, so you have 5-11 hours to yourself and now a chunk of that has to go to your partner. The only saving grace in the notion that your partner might be good company and the sex is great so it will be time well spent. The down side is your partner is human, just like you, and they have their fair share of good days and bad, emotional turmoil, hopes and fears, and when you are having a shit day, you might be needed to rub their heads because they are having a shit day, too. Then again, this is a great opportunity to get out of your head and be charitable. Do you get the drift? it can go any way and it's up to you which direction it can go.

Are they really the one. I had seen a TED talk some time back that explained why it's better to have less choices because it would make it easier for one to make a choice and feel satisfied with the choice. But when you have 7 Billion plus people on the planet, you have a choice of 3.5B to choose from (7B if you are a swing hitter), how sure are you that you've made the right choice? We are told that we have soul mates, but how do we know that he or she is the one? That's the thing you don't know, that why you do the best with what you got.

So how do I know he's the one?


Well, I really don't know if he is, but I like what we've got going. And it's not the big outlandish things that blockbuster romcom's are made of, it's the little things, like

Him not getting into a hissy fit when I peed his bed. And I blame the Asian chick in my dream who led me to a bathroom stall for that. When I became aware I was so embarrassed and he just brushed it off like things like that happen and told me to go back to sleep. Now I laugh at the memory, but I was mortified beyond belief.

Him not giving up on us when I got cold feet. I was ready to break up and he came over and we had a good talk, a real talk. My fears were laid to rest and I saw that the relationship was worth exploring, especially as it worked. 

We laugh. I know it sounds simple but there is something about laughing with someone. Laughing is amazing in itself but when you are laughing with someone, it's like they get you, you are in sync and the experience is just right.

My wanting this. It may or may not lead to marriage, but for right now it feels right. It's not complicated, I am growing from it, and I don't want to see it end. And if it did, I would still be okay because at least I experienced it and that would be enough.

My farting on him. Let me explain myself, you ever had a bit of air in your body and you are holding it in. Then you fall asleep, and your body relaxes and before you know it pfft, a puff of air escapes and the person is right behind you. It is only when it's too late that you realise what happened, but you act as though you are sleeping when he/she rolls onto their back. I'm laughing while I write this like. Sorry about that, babe.

Him making me better. I'm more compassionate, I'm more patient, I let things happen in their own time without me jumping in to try to make them just so. By being with him, I now know how to just listen without offering a solution. I'm better than I was before I knew him.

Will I Ever Get Married?

I don't know. I am in that funny place where the sets don't overlap. One set is what I've seen in my parents' marriage and the other is what the media (romcoms, romance novels, women's magazines) tell me and because they don't overlap, I reside in a space where one would think they would overlap. But I'm trying to adopt the notion that this crazy thing called love is not based on what people show and tell me but on what I feel. I feel a genuine connection with him and I feel that is enough.

Do I need a fancy wedding or a piece of paper to tell me that is real and tangible? No.

Do I need to create a sense of security for those around me because without a ring, it doesn't mean that he loves me? No.

Do I have to validate to the world that this man is my possession and all the other women better get to stepping? No, because if I have to do that it means that I don't trust him. And what is love without trust?

Time will tell, but for now, I'm content in knowing that he's the one.


Image credits: i, ii, iii

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