Kimolisa Was Here

Over a month or so, I've been noticing my scale tipping towards 140 and daring to go above and I did have a little freak out. Something akin to what I had when I saw it creep dangerously close to 150. Before I continue, let me give you a little perspective through some personal facts,

• Throughout high school, I was a steady 128lb;
• Throughout college and most of my early twenties, I was a healthy 132lb;
• After a major weight gain in my late twenties to early 30's, I aimed to be a healthy 135lb and I achieved it;
• After the major economic downturn and my income became nonexistent, stress brought my weight down to 120lb (yes, I was much less than my high school weight and I was boney);
• Eventually, I returned to 135lb and for a while, I thought my weight had settled at that number, I was wrong;
• I shrank by an inch, telling the truth here. I was 5'7 1/2" and now I am 5'6 1/2" so what is the ideal body weight at one height may not be the ideal weight at the other height. It may be negligible but it doesn't hurt to note. 

Now some people may poo poo my weight fluctuation thinking that it's not a big deal, that I still look slender as opposed to having some major weight packed on me. The reality is everyone is different, what is acceptable for one person is not acceptable for another and I'm not comfortable with that added weight.

I existed in that space between where being ultra skinny is touted by the media and where big girls love their curves. I don't want to be skinny but I don't want to be curvy. I used to feel bad that I want to be on the slender, fit side of the equation, that is when I made the decision to do what is right for me.

My clothes don't fit the way they used to, my stamina and overall feel of my body is off. My concern is not a matter of a number on the scale, it is a matter of my not wanting to give in to the belief that my weight gain is just another part of life. That I will just accept that it will be a five pounds here then another there and before I know it I'll be struggling with my weight and feeling bad about it. But what am I going to do about it?

Putting in the action

Well for one, I'm understanding my weight gain. My body didn't all of a sudden gain an extra 5lb, it happened slowly and with my allowing it. When I had returned to my goal weight in my early 30's, a major part of that weight loss was my adopting Tim Ferris Slow Carb diet. For a while, all I ate were vegetables, legumes and protein for dinner and breakfast and in doing that I saw pounds melt away. Even if I ate whatever I wanted during lunch, I was still able to drop the pounds and the dress sizes.

The reality is I know how to lose the weight and what causes the weight gain, but it is only now that I'm willing to take the appropriate actions. Like many things, I know what to do but the actual implementing of said thing suffers from my procrastination and my not having a solid reason why I should change my way of eating. Then a series of unexpected things happened,

• I came across this article in Raptitude where I learned that we have an honest fear of deprivation;
• I listened to this video in which he gives a few points on why we get fat;
• I took an honest look at what I was consuming since the start of the year and saw that I was consuming a lot of sugar and foods that would spike my insulin levels;

I was walking casually into the weight gain and if I don't act now it's going to continue. But before I jump into what I'm going to do, let me give you my reasons for doing the right thing by my body,

• I want to be healthy;
• I don't want to be diabetic which does run in my family on my father's side. My grandmother died from complications from it;
• I don't want to be skinny fat, especially after seeing a Jamie Oliver show when they observed the inside of a fat person as opposed to a healthy person;
• I want my clothes to fit again, money is tight and I don't have the time to make a whole new wardrobe;
• I see what my parents and grandparents had to go through in terms of depending on medication and I don't want that for me;
• I don't want my consumption of food be a result of status quo, I want it to be a matter of my paying attention to what I put into my body

The plan is to cut out the oats and ton of sugar I eat in the morning and eat vegetables and meats for breakfast and dinner. I've done it before so it shouldn't be hard and once I get into the habit, it will be easy to continue. What will be different is I will allow myself a treat every now and then but I won't make it a norm for me to have a chocolate or a packet of biscuit without thinking if I should be eating it and why I'm eating it. I won't say no to them once a month or even twice a month but I shouldn't be eating them everyday.

This is my body and I've been given just one so it's best I take damn good care of it so it will take care of me as I get older. If you notice with any and all weight loss programs on TV, in the small print they would have a phrase like this

"in conjunction with exercise and proper nutrition"

 I figure, why not skip the product or the program and focus on the proper nutrition and some exercise. It's time I lost that 5lb+ of fat and get some lean muscle.

It was some years back when I had entered my sexual prime, imagine Samantha with a growing collection of Zane novels. My brother turned to me and said "Whatever you do, don't get dick-whipped." I can't remember the exact date or the context but I remember the warning against being "dick-whipped".

Back then I figured out that the term was equivalent to being "pussy-whipped". Now, according to Wiktionary,

pussy-whipped adj.
(vulgar slang)
Submissive to or dominated by one's wife or other female partner, frequently with the connotation that this submissive behaviour is for the prospect of sex.

And according to Urban Dictionary,

pussy-whipped adj.

Making decisions based on the incentive of sex.

Thankfully, I have never experienced dick-whippage. I guess because I protected my heart with maximum security protection. Sure, I've had my fair share of "Damn! That was great, let's go again!" but never, "I will birth your babies and club a baby seal for you, master." But what happens when you come across someone who sneaked through your defenses like Sean Connery and Nicholas Cage?

What happens when the good, good is like Dynomite! and you start spouting pop culture references from multiple decades? Does that mean I'm dick-whipped? Should I be looking out for halos? What actually happened? I made him breakfast.

He wasn't expecting breakfast, but I made it. And not the slap, bam, here you go variety, I'm talking about me hip checking Rachel Ray to the side. I made scramble eggs with Cajun seasoning and grated cheese on top. I sliced a loaf of bread AND toasted it, and added a mini orange in the mix.

If I trusted the tomatoes I had, I would have sliced them up and if I had olive oil and vinegar, I would have mixed them together and drizzle them over the tomatoes. Don't get me started on what I would have done if I had potatoes and bacon.

I won't lie to you, I do enjoy cooking, more for the process but this was new to me. To want to give food to someone, that nurturing element, that is new. I don't think it freaks me out, but I would like to explore it.

This might be a genetic throw back to some bygone era where a woman desires to nurture and take care of a man. And where he desires to protect and do handy man things for the woman. Two parts working in tandem.

Whatever the case is, I didn't hate it so it can't be all bad. That reminds me of when Destiny's Child came out with "Cater 2 U". I remember a British music reporter pointing out that it was a departure from the independent/survivor Destiny's Child that we all knew at the time. Then again, Beyonce had just hooked up with Jigga and some of that connection bled into her music.

At the end of the day, there are certain things we would only do for that special person. Sometimes, you don't even know you are doing them. Sometimes, you don't say that you care for a person, but you most certainly show it.

What are some of the things you do only for that special person in you life/ who was in your life?
What have others done for you to show that they cared?

On Sunday, my sister and I made bread. It was supposed to be Jamaican Hard Dough Bread but it came out as regular bread. I ain't mad because it smelled good and it tasted good and it ignited my love for cooking. I went a step further and made a veggie rice while making the bread.

So how did we end up making the bread? Well, Miami showed me a recipe for hard dough bread and majority of the ingredients we already had so I asked her if she wanted to make it and she said sure. We chose to make it on Sunday and when the day came we mixed dry ingredients, threw in wet ingredients and kneaded like it was nobody's business. We let it rise, then kneaded it some more. The only thing is we (ahem I) didn't roll it tightly enough and the warm place we put it after we put in the pan was very warm. How can I put it lightly, it blew the hell up, hee hee.

Put it in the oven and as it baked, it smelled so good. Took it out and it was fabulous, Fa-bu-lous!!! I let it cool then we dug in. Yummy, yummy, yummy!! Had to say it three times. LOL. I don't know if it was because we made it and it tasted good that it tasted even better. Can you tell I'm loving cooking. Anyway, below are the pics and the recipe we used is this one.