Pat Myself On The Back

3:26 PM

This morning I was putting together an order for one of our suppliers and my cell phone started ringing. So I answered it in my customary way, "Hello, (Last name)." The person on the other end started an old conversation about the way I answer my phone and I honestly thought it was NG, who I've mentioned here, here and here. Then as I continued to talk, I realized that it was Zen.
WTF!! Let me explain in brief why I'm a bit miffed. About 2 1/2 weeks ago, I called Zen and said that I was not going to being calling him, that if he could keep up the promise I asked him to make of not calling me. It was very clear that nothing, absolutely nothing was going to happen between us in terms of a relationship. Why should I waste my time on something that what become something? I was doing pretty good, I even had a mantra, "Never, Ever." I found solace in the knowledge that I would never interact with him again. He then asked me something work related and I answered and politely ended the call. He called me again with another work related question and I answered and went back to work, but the door was left open. It didn't help that I was hungry at the time so I wasn't thinking clear. This was not going to work.

So I called him and explained that I called him the last time to severe this thing we had. If he needs to ask any work related question he could call the land line. I also said I wanted to get married and I can't do that if he's in my life. He's my Kryptonite, so it's better if we don't interact. He was taken aback by my admitting that he was an obstacle in my finding someone I would want to marry. He offered to sleep with me tonight, to which I gave a resounding no. He conceded and said if that is what I want. And you know what that is what I want, I want to meet someone who will love me unconditionally and wants to be the father of my kids. I want the real deal, I've played my games, learned my lessons (one of which can curl a man's toes) and now it's time to play with the big girls and boys.

I don't hate him or resent him, at one point I thought I loved him, but I've been hurt by him so many times that I've decided I don't need the shyt. I know I will never, ever call him and I've asked him not to call me. I pray he heard what I was saying and accept that I don't want him in my life. What also miffed me was before I had a problem of not talking to him for more than 2 weeks. I always ended up talking to him by the two week point. I make it to over 2 1/2 weeks, Friday would have made it 3 weeks and he went an spoiled it. So I'm back to 0 days. I'm going to put a counter to count the days since I spoke to him on the side bar.

Oh yeah, I'm patting myself on the back for not giving into him. Yeah me!!!

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