I've mentioned this on more than one occasion, but 2011 started bad for me. Every now and then I would find myself crying, which is bad because I hate to think of myself as a victim to anything, as someone who has to reach out for support. There is also that thing about not wanting to be judged, I hate that even more. Every time I felt like I was coming to terms with it, I was dealt another blow and before I knew it a quarter of the year is gone. And here I am feeling bad for myself, things were suppose to be different, this was suppose to be my decade. Once again, here I am picking up the pieces.

Then today, less than an hour ago, I thought what would happen if someone tried to mug me and seeing I had no money, just shot me. What would be the first thing I would think, apart from the crazy pain shooting through my body? Would I be happy with the life I lived? Are there things I would have changed? Done differently? Would I die feeling okay that I did and saw all I wanted to see and do?

A lot of those questions had a resounding NO. You see I've been so busy living that I haven't been living. And every time I think of something I would love to do, I keep thinking that I need money to do them. Or I fall into the trap of "I Can't". I grew up where I couldn't do a lot of things because of the family business, and then when I got the freedom to do whatever I wanted, I still have the mentality that I can't do it.

So where do I go from here? I guess it's a matter of quiet reflection and then unrelenting focus. And if anything, I'll channel Bruce Lee,

My Definite Chief Aim

I, Bruce Lee, will be the first highest paid Oriental super star in the United States. In return I will give the most exciting performances and render the best of quality in the capacity of an actor. Starting 1970 I will achieve world fame and from then onward till the end of 1980 I will have in my possession $10,000,000. I will live the way I please and achieve inner harmony and happiness.

Bruce Lee

1969