Why Am I Single #2

3:52 PM

Why am I single?

Answer #2: Childhood issues

When I was 8,9 or 10, I was molested on more than one occasion and that messed with my head a bit. Then as I started to develop, I was getting a lot of unwarranted attention from grown men and that did a number on me too.

Let me explain, the best I can. I think in the Catholic church or somewhere that there is an age of reason which is I think 7. Don't quote me on this mind you. But when you turn 7 you are suppose to know better when it comes to your actions. I believe from about that age going forward that you really take a good look at the opposite sex and see a distinct difference. Sometimes you start having crushes on certain people and yadda yadda, you might not rough house as much as you used to, well in the case of girls. For me, that is the age where you form your beliefs of relationships with the opposite sex and most times it's a pure thing, but what happen if that pure thing has been tainted.

Between the molestation and the unwanted attention, I tried not to gain the attention of the opposite sex. In a way, I became asexual, just not being interested in relationships. Looking back at it, it was more a punishment for letting someone take advantage of me. Also, I believed that no one would like me because of what happened.

The sad thing is something like that happening in your childhood can rob you of so much. Because of it I slouched a lot, I became very introverted, very shy and quiet. Didn't try new things. I remember one time, my family and I were in Trinidad with some family friends and where we staying had a pool table. I have a strong like for pool that borders on love even though I can't play. One day, I went over and tried my hand at it, a man had come in the room and tried to "teach" me how to play. I didn't try to play on that table again.

Okay, too much info? yes, but that is something I have to work through. It is so easy to blame everything outside of yourself for your problems, but a simple shift of perspective can do wonders. Now I just have to train myself to see men as non-threatening, as well as be able to identify the dogs.

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