I'm 30

2:21 PM


Today, I am thirty and in a couple of years I will be off the calender. Am I scared or worried or listening to the tick tock of my biological clock? Maybe a little, but I see myself embracing this age, I've been alive for three decades, the 80's, the 90's and the 00's and for some strange reason I feel more alive than I've ever been in my whole life.

I honestly feel like I threw away two decades of my life. They were a mix of me being ashamed about something that wasn't my fault and trying to be what the world expects of me. This time around this decade it's all about me and what I want, that includes doing the things I love, traveling and most importantly loving myself and loving others with my whole heart.


Yesterday, I was talking with this guy, you know I got to bring up relationship shyte, and it bothered me a bit. Here I am loving each and every bit of me and here is a guy who is interested in me but thinks there are aspects of me that should change. Per esiempio, I have a tattoo, and I was considering getting another one but was disgusted by the popularity of getting inked. The guy was surprised that I have ink, and asked if he asked me not to get any more ink, would I not get another tattoo. Is it just me, but doesn't that seem a bit overbearing. Fine you never perceived me to be someone with a tattoo, but to make demands before an actual relationship has started is quite off putting.

It scares me though, it scares me to think that by being myself I have negated a few contenders for boyfriend material. I fit in that space between a Christian and a Harlot. I have morals but I know how to enjoy myself, I am intelligent but I'm not afraid to look beyond the parameters of my immediate surroundings. Either I meet guys who are players but are short in the realm of good conversation and world view or guys who are intelligent but sexually restrictive and afraid of going outside the barriers society put up in their minds.

The guy and I were discussing something, I can't remember what, and I said that we are all given the right to do whatever. To this he said that the United States is such a corrupt society and some such rhetoric and continued to praise the Middle East for their restrictions. You know, brother man has gone and turn me off of him with the quickness. God, Allah, The Universe, whoever has given man an incredible gift, that is free will, a right given to each man on this earth. One must also accept that with that one must accept the consequences of their action. Whatever that consequence, it is a lesson, that lesson in turn builds character and garners experience. Why the hell should man try to stifle it.

I'm drifting, but I just want to leave on one note, I am who I am, I am not the same person I was a year ago or five years ago, I will not be the same person five years later. One thing that will always remain is that I will not in anyway try to change another person and I expect others to do me the same.

(pics: vi.sualize.us)

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