Why Am I Single #35:22 PM
Answer #3: I Settle For The Wrong Guy
Let me paint the scene for you,
Random Person who barely knows me: You married?
RP: You have a boyfriend?
RP: You have kids?
RP: How come? You want someone to help you with that? *leering*
Me: No, thank you.
For some strange reason, my relationship and maternal status is everybody's damn business. Unfortunately, this line of questioning makes my biological clock ring just a wee bit louder and like an idiot, I ask the universe for a man without giving specifics. Within a couple days, the universe delivers a man who just doesn't..... deliver.
Yes, he is a man, but there is no chemistry, no intellectual synergy, no "I so vibe with you and can spend an evening with you just talking", basically, nada. But, I give him a chance because maybe, just maybe he isn't that bad. Maybe, just maybe he has some redeeming qualities that are buried deep, deep, way deep within. I settle even though all my instincts say run like the wind.
The universe has this sad sense of humour, where you are in a relationship with someone and the ideal person comes along and this song comes to mind
Then the opportunity slips by and I'm still stuck with the no chemistry man, then I take a good look at life and realize that no, this is not going to work. And I do what is best for me, what good is it to be with someone if I can't give myself completely to them. Why give them a cup of water, leaving behind a great big lake? Why tuck away all the different aspects of me, just because they just won't get that when I get mad, I start speaking with an accent or in another language. Or some of the most creative and loving people I know are gay and by them speaking badly about gays puts me in a position where I will set them straight. No pun intended.
I read somewhere something that went I am strong enough to wait for the right one and I co-sign that. I co-sign it, because I have settled in the past and it just robs a little piece of me and I somehow cease to be real with myself. Does that even make sense, it doesn't matter because it's my truth. I want love, companionship, support and good conversation to while away the years and I just don't think I should just settle for any old person to meet those needs. I'm just saying.