Answer #5: Self Enforced Small Dating Pool

I'm sure you have heard the countless accounts of how bad off black women are in terms of finding a life partner. We are constantly bombarded by media generated content about how little black men are out there who are educated, available, not in jail or willing to settle down. Somewhere there is an unspoken rule that we should not date outside the race.

There are the funny looks, as though you are a representative for a whole race of people and you have let them down. The sad thing is it is acceptable for a black man to be with a white woman but God forbid if a black woman is with a white guy or asian or indian. It is also acceptable for a black woman to have kids out of wedlock. So is it safe to deduce that society would rather us be alone than be with someone outside of our race? Then again, it's truly the loud ignant (note not ignorant but ignant) folk who have a problem with interracial coupling in general.

Don't get me wrong though there are also some internal problems to get past. For instance, will the non-black man understand my hair? Will he understand my culture? Well, my colouring is not the same as the colouring of his race, will he like what he sees? What does he see when he looks at me? Does he see the stereotypical black woman or does he see me?

I know being black is something to be proud of, my fore parents had gone through so much and persevered, but they fought so hard to be viewed as equals to other races. In being equals, race should take a back seat to the character of the individual. It should not divide people but bring them to a place where they can exist on common ground.

So how do I get past it? Once again, open mind and open heart. I saw a clip from a Tyra show, where a Native American woman said her father taught her to look a person in their eyes and see them not the colour of their skin. I'm paraphrasing, of course. From now on, I will look into people's eyes and try to see their souls.