Let me first say that that statement is wrong, words are power and they can affect your life. That statement is said over and over by women more to empower themselves as opposed to bring down or insult men. The problem is when we say it so much it becomes our reality. Yes, I'm spouting new age-y stuff, but it's the truth.
So far, I have done so much for myself which would have been things women would have turned to men for. I've changed the ceiling light fixture in my living room. I've changed the fill valve in my toilet. I've disposed of a dead frog with maggots on it (hyperventilating a little now). I've disposed of a recently dead mouse. On and on and on. So after doing all that, why would I need a man? would be a very fair question. Well Jill Scott answers that question very well here
Need I say more?
You see there was this guy that just gelled with me, but now looking back at it now (damn 20/20 hindsight) I kept pushing him away. I got mugged and I didn't tell him, I just glossed over it and I could hear in his voice that he would have wanted to hear about it, be there for me. After reading all these post you can see that I'm a little behind on things (book smart, street dumb).
Honestly speaking this post was inspired by this post I came across by Evan Marc Katz. The post was a response to an email from a woman who wanted to know if a smart, strong, successful woman can get a smart, strong, successful man. After reading this, I've come to the conclusion that the answer is no, that was when it really sank in. I've heard it so many times, in so many ways and only now do I get it.
There can only be one Alpha in a relationship. To be a successful person, you have to be an Alpha, for the most part anyway. And when you look at it in relationships you need to be with someone who compliments you and not be exactly like you. You know the whole yin and yang thing.
Do I want to be an Alpha or a Beta in a relationship?
Honestly speaking, no, I don't want to be an Alpha.
I'm tired of being the strong one, the shoulder to cry on, the person people ask for advice or ...... Sometimes, most times, I want to turn to someone. I want someone else to take the wheel while I sleep in the backseat. Perhaps my ideal is the hybrid of the Alpha and the Beta, so that the roles are interchangeable.
Lord, I'm getting depressed now. What do you think, people?
- For those in relationships, are you the Alpha or the Beta?
- For the ladies, do you think adopting the notion that you don't need a man hinders your ability to get a man?
- Are women nowadays, pushing men away by not needing them financially and for protection, but more for emotional support?
- Are we, as women, asking men to take on what used to be considered female roles?
- What are we really looking for in a partner?
6 comments:
Interesting post. I have come out of a relationship where she said she wanted me to be Alpha, but then kept shooting me down in some ways. She always said she didn't want to be Alpha, but I was not the go-getter of the relationship. I am naturally more submissive, more willing to follow - and I'm okay with that. Does that make me less of a man? Most women seem to think so.
I like your willingness to interchange roles - I think I could live with a situation like that. I am not naturally dominant, but there have been times in my former relationship where I tried to assert myself, to say that I wanted things a certain way - but most times those attempts were thwarted by the same woman who said she wanted to be led. So I ask the same question you did, "What ARE women looking for in a partner?"
Men ARE hardwired to want to protect and take care of their household - and when a woman constantly pushes you away when you make yourself available - or, as you alluded to in your former relationship, where the guy is not even given the chance to show support - it makes one feel (it makes ME feel) very unneeded.
Not a good feeling.
Honestly speaking, I don't think people in general know what they want. I guess it comes down to knowing what one wants and sticking to it.
So my husband said two things after reading this post. 1) Antigua sounds like the 1950s. 2) There can only be one Alpha? Has this woman ever met us?
We are both Alphas and we have similar personalities.
I never needed a man and was always vocal about it. My husband saw that as a challenge which he loves. Most modern men want a strong woman. In today's world men want partners not dead weight. They want someone with the same ambition and drive as them. They want to be able to come home and talk shop with their wives. Of course being men they still want a woman who looks like a woman. They just don't want a woman who acts like a girl.
Based on your views I feel you would be happiest around men who either are not from the islands or are man enough to embrace a modern romance. That's my two cents. Peace.
@astluce, it's not the 1950's but there are men who are uncomfortable around a strong woman. I first came across this in a documentary on BET Jazz where a black professional man said out right he did not want a successful woman. That was a blow to the ego, but it made me wonder what is so bad about having a successful partner.
I am tempted to say you two are the exception to the rule, but I can also say that you reside in a progressive city that attracts progressive people.
I am hopeful, but I do think residing on the small island is a hindrance.
More to come.
men struggle with that hardwire, but an adept man - with the help of a good partner who is a constructive communicator - can navigate this.
while it may be true that alpha personalities can clash, that doesn't mean being the less assertive (aggressive?) person makes you less successful, intelligent or strong person. there is a difference between the two.
it's how a couple work with those differences and utilitze each other's strengths that make s partnership work.
as a guy, i am tired of being expected to be good with the screwdriver, or empty the mousetrap, but i understand i can carry the heavier box easier... oh and i can change a diaper in a flash.
while sexual stereotypes will always have an essence in relationships, let's dispense with outdated ones and focus on what today's couple is: two people struggling and supporting each other within a very complicated world.
"as a guy, i am tired of being expected to be good with the screwdriver, or empty the mousetrap, but i understand i can carry the heavier box easier... oh and i can change a diaper in a flash."
Preaching to the choir, @ Robby Bredner .... I totally feel that frustration of being 'the man' in that respect too.
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