Why Am I Single #9.18:29 PM
Honestly speaking, when I wrote the last post I really wasn't expecting feedback, but boy, did I get feedback!! First of all thank you for sharing your thoughts and this is one of the times I miss college where you can get together with a bunch of friends and just chat about a given topic. I wish I could have you guys over with a large pizza and a couple bottles of wine to just talk about relationships and anything else under the sun.
At first, I was a little taken aback because my ways of thought were being challenged, but then it dawned on me that that actually will help me grow as an individual and not be stuck in an outdated way of thinking. Awesome!!
So let's jump in, for those who haven't read the original post, click here, also check out the comments they have been very insightful. Now to address the comments:
What Do Women Want?
Robert Gibson asked a really good question, what do we as women want and to be honest some of us don't know. Society, aka the media, romance novels, Disney movies, rom com's, have given us a generic concept of what we want - tall, dark and handsome, sensitive yet masculine, blah, blah, blah - but then we have what we see in our immediate lives. Yes, a woman might be looking for a nice guy but then she sees how her single mom had to struggle and work to maintain the family without a man. She sees how to be strong and not needing a man but still expects her man to be strong and be a man because that is what society says she should expect from a man. God I don't even know if I'm making sense. LOL!
The only thing, I can say is know yourself, be the best you, when you got that down pack, be on the lookout for people who got their isht together. You see, when you have two whole people who know who they are and are just enjoying life they will only enhance each others' lives instead of bringing new drama.
Also check out this movie, I found it back in 2009 when I started blogging and it shows one of the sides to black relationships, it's called Diary of a Tired Black Man, here is the link to the post I did.
Two Alphas in The House
One of my friends from High School, astluce, pointed out that both she and her husband are Alphas. For real, this blew my mind and gave me hope. It also showed that I got sucked into the whole propaganda of men not being able to handle a strong woman. Looking back at it, I think it is the men who can't handle a strong woman that complain the most. *smh*
I mentioned before that I worked at a hardware store and it is only now I realize that some of those men don't know what to do with a strong woman. I know for a fact that I've toned down over the last seven years because I've seen actual fear in some men's eyes or they try to be condescending when or have the look of what should they do. Also in the construction industry down here, it's all chat and some of these men can't deliver, now I'm kinda pissed that I've changed to make others feel comfortable.
Truth be told (I'm going to be sappy here, I've accepted my sappiness and you should too) astluce and her husband are really a cute couple and their relationship is something to aim for. I'm just happy that they've pointed out that yes, two strong people can be together and make it work. It reminds me of the focus exercise Tony Robbins does in his seminars where if you focus on something, you see it wherever you look and if you really focus you can see very successful, strong couples.
The Evolution of Gender Roles
The only thing is that not all of us are evolved. There are a lot of people who hold on to old ideas because they have never worked out what would work for them as individuals. They take them on as their beliefs and when those beliefs are questioned, they fight for them like wild cats.
There is a lot of talk about class warfare, but has anyone ever thought about ideological warfare. The divide between the thinkers and the non-thinkers, those whose lives are based on a true understanding of themselves and their needs and those who follow any and every thing, be it the latest dance hall tune to the drug dealer they look up to. The sad thing is, in Wadadli at least, I see the latter overtaking the island and creating more.
I really appreciate the insight from the comments to the last Why Am I Single post, I think they help me to escape the labyrinth of singledom. I'm going to stop here, because this post is long enough. Buena notte, tutti.