Why Am I Single #12

7:39 PM

Answer: Me

First things first, this is the last post of this series. I feel like it has run it's course and has been instrumental in my personal journey of becoming a better person. It's so easy to point outside of oneself and lay blame on one's circumstance - that is why so and so is like that, he/she is why this happened to me. At the end of the day, we are responsible for the life we live and it is up to us to make it a life worth living.

Perhaps, I'm growing up. Perhaps, I'm getting wiser and things are at last clicking into place. Whatever the case, I see it as my mandate to live an awesome life and do the things I love. Last night, I had one of the best sleeps ever and in the middle of it, one thought shot into my mind:

Commit to having a great life.

This is powerful for me because I'm the sort that can flip flop on small decisions and a handful of big ones, but when I make up my mind to do something, consider it done. Most likely, I'll print out the statement and put it next to my bathroom mirror and start every day with that affirmation. I'm already feeling results because I see a change in my personality.

Growing up, I've always held back because others would have a negative view point on things I enjoy:
  • Cooking
  • Make up
  • Dancing
  • Using my body - exercise etal
  • Alternative rock & hard rock 
  • Jazz
My thinking was if they had negative reaction to what I liked, then I better not do anything I liked to do. The thing is their negative views are based on their lives and their inability to look beyond their existence. I've gotten so used to people governing what I did that I would turn to others to guide my life. The truth is they have their own lives to live. They can easily muck up your life with their good intentions. They don't have your perspective on life.

Also you can give only so much of yourself and people are not looking to see if they are taking too much, they view it as unlimited resource. The thing is when you give so much to others, eventually there will be none for you.

At the end of the day, the reason why I'm single is I didn't make the concerted effort to not be single. I didn't make the choice to want to be in a relationship. I focused so much on the outside that I didn't work on the inside and making myself the kind of person I would date and have a relationship with.

I'll be honest, I think I'm rambling. LOL! I can go on and on with these random thoughts but I'll leave you with this:
... and I love the wild thing in me.

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